When I met Liam, I’d found a boyfriend who understood he couldn’t see my body for three weeks at a time and he was happy for our sex life to exist only in the window after a wax. I made sure I was hair-free when I was ovulating, and somehow we managed to conceive a baby. I can’t imagine feeling that way anymore, it was like a moment of madness that I fully submitted myself to. They say love is a drug – well, it certainly made me crazy.

My phone vibrates … for a heartstopping moment I think it’s the mouse and spray some Elnett on it.

‘Ruby, it’s Bec.’

‘Hello Rebecca. Everything OK with the pictures?’ I ask, as I pluck my chin using the tweezers and small vanity mirror I keep on my desk. I keep them in various positions around the house; there is always hair to remove.

‘Yes, all good. So, look, have you checked your email yet?’

I make an excuse about just getting home from the doctors and say I’m about to get to it.

‘OK, well I’ve just done a huge cover shoot with Lauren Pearce, you know who she is?’

‘No,’ I say, even though I do. I take very little notice of celebrities and I’m quite proud of that. I’m not interested in their narcissistic, attention-seeking lives. However, it’s impossible to not know about Lauren Pearce, she is on everything and in everything. But to establish that I don’t care I say no anyway. Rebecca doesn’t sound impressed, she sounds annoyed.

‘She’s a model, um, influencer kind of person. Marrying Gavin Riley, the Dragons’ Den millionaire, in two weeks and she’s just sacked her photographer because she thinks he was leaking stuff to the press about the wedding. I did a shoot with her this week, she was happy and asked me to do the wedding too. She’s turned down OK! magazine and done some deal with a champagne brand who will pay for the wedding if she includes them in the social posts that go out over the course of the day. That means we need you on site to work on the images with me and get them out. You in?’

‘She wants me at her wedding?’

‘Yeah, I mean not as a guest. You should probably bring a sandwich, but yeah, you’d be at the wedding. I’d suggest you set up in a back room and I’ll run the cards into you when I’m done. She wants to approve them then post on the day.’

‘She wants to approve pictures on her wedding day?’