I cannot leave the house because of my facial hair. I am so ashamed, so embarrassed. My anxiety has gotten so bad because of it that I am no fun to be around. People hate me, I can tell. They don’t know what to say, because my social skills have become so bad. I used to be fun.

My husband tries to get me out of the house. He is so loving and supportive, and we have a fairly stable marriage. I am very close to him, but no matter how much he reassures me, I can’t help myself.

I have two children, aged six and four. I am very close to my children. I have talked to them about my problem and they understand how it makes me feel. They tell me they love me, and that I am a fun mummy. I find going out so hard that when I am home I do my best by my kids, I play with them, I read to them, I lie with them at night. It’s the least I can do to make up for them not getting invited to other kids’ parties, because the parents don’t want to have to talk to me.

My husband and I are OK. I manage sex. He says he loves me and finds me beautiful, but how long will that last? I am a recluse. I can’t force him to be too. I’m scared for a future where my kids leave home and my husband meets someone else.

I wish I could do better.

It’s always so strange to read these posts. To know there are other women out there who have even a small clue about what I am going through. There we all are, being open and honest on the Internet. Sharing stories of how impossible the outside world feels. It’s like we enter into a black hole and come out in another universe. But we have to leave it and survive in reality. I wonder if one day, generations from now, people like me will be able to live entirely happy lives, just online. Experiencing total physical solitude, yet with thousands of people for company, who never have to see your face. Food will be delivered, clothes unnecessary. You could exist in whatever state you were dealt, and never have to feel ashamed.

I click on ‘Add a Comment’.

I just wanted to say that even though it might not feel like it, you are doing great. I am so like you, but in the process of self-punishing I managed to push away a man who loved me, and my relationship with my daughter is fraught. Feel good about the family you have created and hold onto them. I wish you all the best. Ruby x

As I am about to click ‘POST’, though, I change my mind and delete what I wrote. What difference would it make anyway?