I committed to a life of hiding. Until a few years ago, after Liam and I split up and my despair was disabling me even more than usual, I finally took the time to search out forums where other women were experiencing some level of what I was going through. Of course, there were plenty. I have read countless accounts of how women hide themselves due to excess body hair. Relationships that have failed because of it. Childfree lives are a consequence of it. Self-hatred, self-harm all popular side-effects. There is reassurance in everything I read. Primarily to know that I am not alone, but most often the comfort comes in knowing that maybe my case isn’t the worst. I don’t mean that in the literal sense. The amount of body hair I have is extreme, that isn’t up for debate. I’ve yet to see or hear about anyone who has it worse. The hair is thick and dark, it covers most of my body. It takes hours to remove and grows back within weeks. It’s a terrible case of a horrible condition, but the comfort I take from the forums I visit is that, compared to a lot of people I read about, I am not depressed, despite the many challenges I have faced in my life.

My mother was my first. My father’s death the next. My hormonal imbalance kicked in when I was a teenager and will be with me forever. It torments me, and pokes fun at me, keeps me up at night and tries to bring me down. But actually, when all is said and done, I don’t hate myself. Not really.

My job helps. I’m really good at it. I mean, it’s vile and evil, and I am perpetuating beauty standards that I know are not real and that leave women – who don’t have issues anywhere as bad as my own – believing that they are not good enough. But I’m good at it. And I know it. It is important to me that I am not failing at everything.

A lot of the blogs and posts by other women who have excess body hair are written by women who can’t see beyond it in any aspect of their lives. Failed careers, such a lack of self-belief that they gave up on themselves entirely. I haven’t done that. I make an effort with what I wear, I keep my weight down. I am excellent at my job. None of this changes much in terms of my self-esteem, but at least I still have the will to try.

One particular online post grabs my attention.