‘You sit there with your tits out half the day. I watch your nipples being stretched like rubber bands, milk squirting out the end of them. You can tell me anything, OK?’

She hugs me and it feels very strange to consider this very young girl my friend. But I do.

‘But wait, you got done up the arse by a stranger? Beth, that’s pretty full on.’

‘Inspired by you, Risky. Quit with the judgemental face.’

‘Hey, I’m not judging. I’m actually impressed – I thought you were a prude.’

‘I think I am a prude. Can we stop talking about it? It’s making me feel weird.’

‘OK, yes. For now we can. Also, we need to get back to Lauren and Gavin. Lauren needs to know what we saw. God, I hate rich white men.’

‘You’re right,’ I say, ‘but it isn’t our job to sort that out.’

‘But what about the sistership?’

Bloody hell, she is so annoying. ‘What about the sistership, Risky?’

‘What’s the point of feminism if we don’t help women? How can we just watch her marry a cheat? Cheating is the worst thing you can do in a marriage. People who cheat should be punished.’

‘OK, OK Risky, remember what I just told you?’ I say, my guilt not needing a hammering.

‘Yes, but you had good reason.’

‘Maybe Gavin has good reason?’

‘To shag someone else on his wedding day? And her own—’

‘I know, I know.’

‘Look Beth, we could let this go, or we could exercise the power afforded to us by recent feminist movements and actually save a sister from a life of mental abuse at the hand of her cheating husband and her cruel, cruel … Oh God, I’m going to tell her.’

She runs out of the room. I realise that entire exchange took place with my left boob hanging out. I reclip my nursing bra, do up my shirt and hurry after her. I catch her up as she is knocking on Lauren’s door.

‘Risky, please. Can we at least discuss how we do this, we can’t just barge in, this will be devastating for so many—’

The door opens and a whole new nightmare stares me in the face.

‘Anal man!’ I screech clear as a bell, when I see my recent sexual conquest standing in front of me. His face doesn’t jog any memory of his real name.

‘Wow,’ he says, alarmed by such a graphic hello.

‘What? This guy?’ Risky asks.

‘No, another man,’ I say, trying to cover my tracks. ‘Look, it’s another man.’

‘Is Lauren in here?’ Risky asks him, moving on. She will deal with me later.

‘Yes, who shall I say it is …’

But Risky bursts past him before I have a chance to answer.

‘Come in,’ Anal Man says sarcastically. We stand for a second staring at each other. ‘Well this is strange,’ he says.