‘Hey,’ she says, heading back to the window. ‘Yeah, I did it. Yeah, I guess so … I mean, if you want us to be?’ She is making her legs go all kooky and twirling her hair. ‘Ha-ha, oh you do, do you?’ She giggles. ‘Oh yeah? I do too. What, now? Adam, I’m at work.’

‘ADAM!’ I say in a loud whisper. She shrugs as if she just can’t help herself.

‘No, not here,’ she says. ‘No … OK, OK, give me a second.’

Risky winks at me – any authority I had as a boss has all but evaporated – and takes her little pink dildo out of her bag and disappears into the toilet.

‘OK, OK, I’m nearly there,’ she tells him. ‘They’re black … and lacy … I’m not wearing one. I’m not!’

She shuts the door. I am left alone at my desk, in my office, while my assistant cracks one out in the bathroom, over the phone with my client’s brother. How the actual hell is this happening?

The office door suddenly pops open.

‘Michael, what are you doing here?’

‘Tommy wanted to surprise Mummy at work,’ Michael says, coming into the office holding my baby.

‘Right, um, well how lovely,’ I say.

‘Where is Risky?’ he asks me.

‘Oh, she’s in the toilet. She might be a while. Big lunch.’

I wish I hadn’t said that.

‘Everything OK?’ he asks me. I should be happier to see them.

‘Yes, yes, fine.’

‘Oh my goodness,’ Risky says, coming out of the toilet. (That was quick.) ‘You need to prepare me for this level of cuteness.’

She takes Tommy from Michael as he unclips the carrier. ‘Hello gorgeous baby. Oh, he’s got your eyes, Beth. And your nose, Michael. He is the perfect mash-up of both of you,’ Risky coos. She makes funny faces at Tommy, he smiles.

‘How lovely of you to drop by.’ Why am I sounding so formal with my husband? ‘I mean, you should have called ahead and we would have tidied up,’ I say, giving Michael a kiss on the cheek.

‘Oh God, you guys kill me!’ says Risky. ‘I’m always telling Beth how you have my dream marriage. You’re very special you know, Michael. Taking care of the baby like this while your wife works. Such a modern man.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ Michael says, blushing. ‘It’s just what you have to do, isn’t it?’

‘I suppose so, but not all dads are willing to do it.’

Risky’s praise is nauseating. A dad fulfilling his potential as a parent doesn’t mean he should be branded a hero.

‘Have you fed him?’ I ask.

‘Nope, I thought you’d like to feed him?’