He took off all of his clothes and got into bed. I stood looking at him, my velvet armour clinging to me as if it knew what was about to happen. He asked me what I was waiting for. I told him nothing. I took off my dress and my tights. I got into bed. He kissed me, and laid his hand on my stomach, then leaped out of bed, shaking his fingers like there was something sticky on them that he wanted to get off. He yelled, ‘What the fuck was that?’ And pointed to my belly.

I ran my hand over it. Stubble so sharp it made a sound when I rubbed it the wrong way.

The guy, Jonny, was now switching between laughter and obvious repulsion. ‘Did you shave your gut?’ My presence in his bedroom was impossible to understand. What was I even doing there? Why did I think this could be me?

I got out of bed and got dressed. I didn’t say a word. He laughed at me as I left.

I felt I couldn’t go without letting Jess know, so I quietly peeked into the living room, very aware that I could walk in on my friend having sex, which was not something I wanted to do. What I saw was Jess fast asleep on the sofa, and the guy she was with lying naked next to her. One hand in her underwear, the other hand wrapped around his penis – he was about to have sex with her.

I immediately ran to the couch, pulled his hand off her and shook her as hard as I could.

‘Jess, wake up,’ I yelled, repeatedly. Shaking more and more violently until she came around.

‘What the fuck are you doing, you crazy bitch?’ the guy said, still naked. Still with his hand on his penis.

‘She was asleep, you animal,’ I said, wanting to spit on him.

‘She was gagging for it,’ he groaned. No care for the damage he could have inflicted.

I did the button up on Jess’ jeans, and put her arm over my shoulder, managing to get her out. We staggered with great difficulty for the fifteen-minute walk home. My back was killing me, but it wasn’t worse than what we had escaped.

The next morning I told Jess exactly what I had seen and what had happened to her. She found the whole thing very hard to cope with, but was back at the pub and getting off with guys again within a few weeks.

I didn’t get intimate with another man until I met Liam. And I never drank again.

We are all mothers now.

I have to do a little mental preparation before I meet Yvonne, Jess and Sarah. It isn’t that I don’t like them, I do. But the more time you spend alone, the harder it is to be sociable. These women see each other a lot so they’re quite relaxed with each other. Because I see them less they ask me a lot of questions and I find it quite overbearing.