– See? It’s just that you’ve picked boring women aw your life ya daft cunt! Ally smiles and gives me a big hug.

Foaahh … ah’m cunted here, ah feel like I’m shiting my soul out of every pore in my face. – Ah’ve goat tae dance through this one or ah’ll sit cabbaged ay night … Nukes … help ays oan tae that flair, man …

– Ah’m blinded, man … blinded by the fuckin light … wis that no a song by some cunt … goat tae sit doon, Nukes groaned, a magnificent aura rising from him. Ah staggered towards the speakers.

– Aw Lloyd, man, stey here n spraff a bit, Ally says, his pupils getting blacker but his lids getting heavier.

– In a bit, Ally. Ah feel that disco vibe. Rock the disco tek, eh.

Ah leave Ally to dance with Amber and her mate Hazel, two definite Party Chicks by any classification, who look as deliciously cool and colourful as a couple of happy-hour cocktails perched temptingly on the bar of Old Orleans. After a shuffle, my legs get moving and I’m enjoying it all. More strange things start happening behind my genitals. Ah remember ah fired intae Amber at a party last year and looking at her made me wonder why ah hadnae done it again. Ah say to Amber first, – Listen, fancy hitting the bedroom for a meeting of, minds and the other bits?

– No, I’m no into sex with you. Ah fancy firing right intae Ally later on, he looks so fucking gorgeous.

– Yeah, yeah, yeah, ah smile, and ah look over at Ally with his Tenerife tan and have to admit that the cunt does look, eh, a wee bitty more than presentable; mind you, every cunt does on E. He’s gesturing over and I’m waving back at him. A big white

Not a whitey, though heartbeat, perspiration and heating have all definitely increased. Hit the Volvic. Can you feel it, crew!

– Fucking good tape, Ambs … make ays a copy … is it Slam? Is it?

She closes her eyes and then opens them briefly and nods at me seriously, – Jist a Yip Yap mixed tape, eh.

Whoa, yes to fuck …

– I’m up for it, Haze says to me.

– Eh?

– A shag, like. That’s what you were talking to Ambs aboot, eh. You and me, then. The bedroom.