The afternoon dissolves into a sludgy evening. – Ah’m fucked, man, ah say to Nukes. Ah drift off intae the City Of The Cunted, Noddyland, and get shaken back intae Planet Leith by the barman. He’s saying something but ah can’t make out what it is. Ah wobble along out the door. Ah can hear Nukes singing Hibs songs but ah can’t see the cunt. Ah dinnae ken whair we are, we seem tae be up the toon. Ah hear people laughing at me, sort of posh voices. Then I’m in this taxi and I’m in another pub in Leith. Ah hear a guy shouting at me, – That was the cunt that shagged his sister, and ah tried to say something but ah was too drunk, and ah hear another guy saying, – Naw, he’s Lloyd Buist, Vaughan Buist’s brother, eh mate. You’re thinkin ay the other Lloyd, Lloyd Beattie that boy’s name wis.

– Dinnae tell ays thirs two fuckin Lloyds in Leith, one guy sais.

Next thing ah know is that I’m talking to ma mate Woodsy, whae ah havenae seen in yonks, and he’s gaun oan about God, drink and E. He takes me back to his and ah crash.

2

AH WOKE UP on Woodsy’s couch feeling shitey. Ah was sick, with a dentist-drill headache and my lip was burst and swollen and ah had like a nasty smudged bit of purple black mascara under my right eye. This reminded me why ah took Class As instead of alcohol. Ah mind ay Nukes and me paggering. Fuck knows whether it was wi each other or some other fucker. Given the slightness of my wounds it was probably some other fucker cause Nukes is a hard cunt and would have done me a lot more damage.

– You fucked it up goodstyle last night, eh? Woodsy said, bringing me a cup of tea.

– Aye, ah said, still too out off it to feel too apologetic, – Nukes n me hit the satellite tellies and went for it. Ended up in some brawl.

– Youse cunts are fuckin crazy. Alcohol’s Satan’s instrument, man. As fir jellies … well, it’s no often that ah agree wi that poofy wee Tory cunt on the telly … but fuckin hell, man, ah expect such behaviour fae Nukes, him being a cashie n that, but ah thought you’d have a wee bit mair savvy, Lloyd.