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About the Book

‘I’m coming up in a big way as that invisible hand grabs a hud ay me and sticks me onto the roof because the music is in me around me and everywhere’

Irvine Welsh, ‘poet laureate of the chemical generation’, exposes the seamy underbelly of rave’s utopian dream. Lloyd, our permanently pilled-up protagonist, pushes his weekends to breaking point and beyond in this frazzled trip through Scottish clubland. He experiences the vertiginous uppers and downers of the Second Summer of Love, dabbles in a spot of disc jockeying and closes in, gradually, on some kind of redemption…

This ebook contains selections from the novel Ecstasy by Irvine Welsh.

About the Author

IRVINE WELSH was born in the great city of Edinburgh and matured in the housing schemes of Leith, West Pilton and Muirhouse. Neither school nor conventional employment appealed, but he was inspired to write after experiencing the explosions of punk and rave first-hand.

Trainspotting, Welsh’s debut novel, was rejected from the Man Booker Prize shortlist, allegedly for offending the judges. It went on to sell over a million copies in the UK alone and was adapted into an iconic film by Danny Boyle, starring Ewan McGregor, Robert Carlyle and Kelly Macdonald. Porno was adapted into T2: Trainspotting, a sequel that reunited the original cast and crew.

Now the author of twelve novels, most recently Dead Men’s Trousers, and four books of shorter fiction, Welsh enjoys a dedicated global readership and tweets prolifically, mainly about tennis and corrupt politicians. He serves as the official ambassador of the Homeless World Cup and currently lives in Miami.

Recommended Books by Irvine Welsh

Trainspotting

Skagboys

Dead Men’s Trousers

Prologue

AH AM FUCKIN well fed up because there’s nothing happening and ah’ve probably done a paracetamol but fuck it you need to have positive vibes and wee Amber, she’s rubbing away at the back ay ma neck saying it’ll happen when this operatic slab of synth seems to be 3D and ah realise that I’m coming up in a big way as that invisible hand grabs a hud ay me and sticks me onto the roof because the music is in me around me and everywhere, it’s just leaking from my body, this is the game this is the game and ah look around and we’re all going phoah and our eyes are just big black pools of love and energy and my guts are doing a big turn as the quease zooms through my body and we’re up to the floor one by one and ah think I’m going tae need tae shit but ah hold on and it passes and I’m riding this rocket to Russia …

– No bad gear, eh, ah say tae Amber, as we dance ourselves slowly into it.

– Aye, sound.

– Awright, eh, says Ally.

Then it’s ma main man on the decks, and he’s on the form tonight, just pulling away at our collective psychic sex organs as they lay splayed out before us and ah get a big rosy smile off this goddess in a Lycra top, who, with her tanned skin and veneer of sweat, looks as enticing as a bottle of Becks from the cold shelf on a hot, muggy day, and my heart just goes bong bong bong Lloyd Buist reporting for duty, and the dance NRG the dance U4E ahhhh gets a hud ay me and I’m doing a sexy wee shuffle with Ally and Amber and Hazel and this big bone-heided cunt falls into me and gives me a hug and apologies and I’m slapping his hard wall of a stomach and thanking my lucky stars we’re E’d and at this club and not pished at The Edge or somewhere brain-dead no that ah would touch that fuckin rubbish … whoa rockets … whoa it’s still coming and I’m thinking now is the time to fall in love now now now but not with the world with that one special her, just do it, just do it now, just change your whole fuckin life in the space of a heartbeat, do it now … but nah … this is just entertainment …

LATER IT’S TIME to chill at Hazel’s gaff. Ally hits us all with some Slam which is all very nice except that he wants to spraff wildly and I’m in a dancy mood, naw, I’m in a shagging mood really. These Amsterdam Playboys do something tae ye behind your nuts. Woaf!

There are a lot of lassies back here. Ah love lassies because they just look so fuckin brilliant, especially when you’re E’d. It seems a wee bit obvious tae think that though, cause maist guys feel the same wey. Ah was reading somewhere about lassies being seen as either saints or whores. That’s too simple … that sound’s like shite to me. Maybe it was about laddies thinking of lassies in that way. Ah ask Ally about this.

– Naw, that’s shite, man, much too simplistic, he says. Ally’s got an amazing smile and his eyes seem to eat every word that comes from your mouth. – Ah’ve got ma ain classification, Lloyd. Lassies are either, one: Party Chicks; two: Straight-Pegs; three: Skankers; four: Party Chicks …

– You sais Party Chicks already but, ah told him.

– Let ays see … Party Chicks, Straight-Pegs, Skankers or Hounds, that’s the four types ay bird, he smiles, casting his eyes round the room. – Maistly Party Chicks in here, thank fuck.

– So what dae ye class as a Party Chick?

– Fuck knows … it’s obviously aw doon tae attitude, this whole classification … right … listen Lloyd, you necked that other pill yet?

Ah hadnae. Some crusties are burning incense in the corner and ah get a nice whiff which fills my nostrils and ah nod over at them. – Naw …

– Ye gaunny dae it soon?

– Naw … ah’m still up here, man. Ah might save it fir the fitba the morn, eh.

– Ah dinnae ken but eh, Lloyd … Ally pouts, looking like a toddler who’s had his sweeties taken away.

– Fuck it, special occasion, eh, ah say to him, as either he or ah or some other cunt says every weekend as every weekend is, indeed, a special occasion. We neck our pills and the adrenalin rush of just having taken more chems has set Ally off again.

– Party Chicks can be subdivided, man, intae like two groups: Hiya Lassies and Sexy Feminists. Straight-Pegs are women who dinnae touch drugs, eh no man, and they shag only dull twats like themselves who are intae aw that home-and-garden shite. These are mainstream straight-pegs, man, dead easy tae spot. There are alternative straight-pegs, the kind ay po-faced feminists who read the Guardian or the Independent and that and are intae career-development paths and aw that sort ay shite. You have to watch them, if they arenae dykes, man, you can sometimes mistake them for Sexy Feminists. No always, but sometimes.

This is magic. Ally’s off. – The Boyle Laddie is off on a mazy! ah shout, and a few other people come over as Ally continues his rant.

– Hiya Lassies are the best but, man, but mair ay that in a bit. Skankers drink a lot ay alcohol and shag draftpak guys. They dress crassly, and seldom, if ever, touch Class As, although mair Skankers are daein them now. They’re type of women whae go tae discos and dance around their handbags. Hounds are the lowest ay the low, man; they’ll shag anything and are often alcoholics. Hiya Lassies are called so because they always say hi-ya-uh … when they meet you.

– You say that aw the time, Amber, Hazel says.

– So? Amber says, wondering what’s going down.

– You have to watch though, Ally says to me, – because Skankers say this as well sometimes. It’s the wey they say it that’s important.

– Are you callin me a fuckin Skanker son? Amber asks Ally.

– Naw, man … you say hiya in a cool wey, he smiles at her and she melts. Fuck me if we arenae aw coming up again. – You’re a Hiya Lassie, and they are easygoing, young, salt-of-the-earth Party Chicks. The best acquire that certain edge and become Sexy Feminists; the worst get stuck with a closet twat and become Straight-Pegs. Tell ye something else, Lloyd, he sais, turnin tae me, in eighty per cent ay cases the man always gets straight and boring before the woman.

– That’s fuckin knob-cheese, Ally.

– Naw, Ally’s right, somebody chips in. It’s Nukes.

– See? It’s just that you’ve picked boring women aw your life ya daft cunt! Ally smiles and gives me a big hug.

Foaahh … ah’m cunted here, ah feel like I’m shiting my soul out of every pore in my face. – Ah’ve goat tae dance through this one or ah’ll sit cabbaged ay night … Nukes … help ays oan tae that flair, man …

– Ah’m blinded, man … blinded by the fuckin light … wis that no a song by some cunt … goat tae sit doon, Nukes groaned, a magnificent aura rising from him. Ah staggered towards the speakers.

– Aw Lloyd, man, stey here n spraff a bit, Ally says, his pupils getting blacker but his lids getting heavier.

– In a bit, Ally. Ah feel that disco vibe. Rock the disco tek, eh.

Ah leave Ally to dance with Amber and her mate Hazel, two definite Party Chicks by any classification, who look as deliciously cool and colourful as a couple of happy-hour cocktails perched temptingly on the bar of Old Orleans. After a shuffle, my legs get moving and I’m enjoying it all. More strange things start happening behind my genitals. Ah remember ah fired intae Amber at a party last year and looking at her made me wonder why ah hadnae done it again. Ah say to Amber first, – Listen, fancy hitting the bedroom for a meeting of, minds and the other bits?

– No, I’m no into sex with you. Ah fancy firing right intae Ally later on, he looks so fucking gorgeous.

– Yeah, yeah, yeah, ah smile, and ah look over at Ally with his Tenerife tan and have to admit that the cunt does look, eh, a wee bitty more than presentable; mind you, every cunt does on E. He’s gesturing over and I’m waving back at him. A big white

Not a whitey, though heartbeat, perspiration and heating have all definitely increased. Hit the Volvic. Can you feel it, crew!

– Fucking good tape, Ambs … make ays a copy … is it Slam? Is it?

She closes her eyes and then opens them briefly and nods at me seriously, – Jist a Yip Yap mixed tape, eh.

Whoa, yes to fuck …

– I’m up for it, Haze says to me.

– Eh?

– A shag, like. That’s what you were talking to Ambs aboot, eh. You and me, then. The bedroom.

Ah was going to get round to asking her before ah goat diverted by … let’s just see … before ah was diverted by Amber’s KB; whoa ya fucker am ah in touch with my feelings or what, but it’s all right and ah shout: – Hey Ally, ah’m sexually jealous of you, and he pouts and comes over and gives me a hug and Amber does too so ah should feel good but ah feel a bit of a cunt for making them feel bad because ah discover that I’m no really sexually jealous of Ally who’s a smashing lad as Gordon McQueen on Scotsport would say but only he’s no oan it now it’s that Gerry McNee gadge that gets tae say it now, and the other radge who writes aboot the fitba n aw that’s on it as well, but as they boys would say: ah wish him every success, etc., etc.

– Amber’s saying she’s intae firing intae ye, ah tell Ally.

Amber smiles and pushes me in the chest. Ally turns to me and says, – The important thing, man, is that ah love Amber, he wraps his arm around her. – What happens sexually … that’s just detail. The important thing is, man, that ah love everybody that ah know in this room. And ah know everybody! Except these boys, he points to the crusties who are skinning up in the corner. But ah’d love these cunts as well if ah knew them. Ninety per cent of people are loveable, man, once ye get tae ken them … if they believe in themselves enough … if they love and respect themselves, eh …

Ah feel ma face opening up like a tin ay sardines as ah give Ally a smile and then ah turn to Haze and say, – Let’s go for it …

In the bedroom Hazel struggles out of her kit and ah get out of mine and we’re under the duvet. It’s too hot to be under the duvet but this in case any cunt comes in, which they will. We’ve got the tongues working hard and I probably taste very salty and sweaty cause she does. It takes me yonks tae get an erection, but that doesnae bother ays because I’m mair intae the touching oan E than the penetration. She’s gaun pretty radge though and ah manage tae bring her off using my fingers. Ah’m just lying their watching her orgasm like ah was watching her score for Hibs. We’ll just play that one back again, Archie … I want it tae happen for her seven times. After a while, though, ah start to feel something happen and ah have tae stop and get out and rummage through my jeans.

– What is it? She asks, – I’ve got a condom here …

– Naw, it’s the nitrate like, the poppers. Ah find the bottle. It’s got soas ah don’t get anything out of the shagging now without the amyl nitrate. Es are mair sensual than sexual, but you’ve got to have the nitrate though, man, no really an optional extra, now really as essential as a cock or a fanny like.

So well, so well, we’re still playing skin games and this is so good cause I’m still rushing and the tactile sensitivity has been increased a mere tenfold by the ecky and our skins are so sensitive it’s like we can just reach inside each other and caress all those internal bits and pieces and we work ourselves round into the sixty-nine and as ah start licking and she does there’s no way that I, at any rate, am no going to come quickly so we break off and ah get on top and inside her and then she’s on top of me and then I’m on top of her and then she’s on top of me, but it’s a bit too much theatrics from her, ah suspect; could be wrong, perhaps she’s just inexperienced because she must only be about eighteen or something when I’m thirty fucking one which is possibly too old to be carrying on like this when ah could be married to a nice fat lady in a nice suburban house with children and a steady job where ah have urgent reports to write informing senior management that unless certain action is taken the organisation could suffer, but it’s me and Purple Haze here together, fuck sake

and now it’s getting better, more relaxed, soulful. It’s getting good …

… it’s fine fine fine and Haze and ah spill fluids in and over each other and I’m sticking the amyl nitrate up her nose and mines and we’re holding onto that high crashing wave of an orgasm together

WHOA HO HO

HO HO

HO

OOOHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah like the after-feeling with my heart pumping from orgasm and nitrate. It’s barry feeling ma body readjust, ma heartbeat slow doon.

– That was brilliant! Hazel says.

– It was … ah try tae find the words, – fruity. A full, fruit-flavoured one.

Ah wonder if anyone will be up for cocktails at Old Orleans later today or tomorrow night, or is it now tonight?

We talk for a bit, and then join the others. It’s really weird how you can be so intimate with someone you dinnae really ken on E. Ah dinnae really ken Hazel, but you can have a barry ride oaf ay a stranger oan ecky. It takes a long time tae get that intimate oan straight street. Ye huv tae build up tae it, eh.

Ally’s right over to me. – That wee Hazel, a total wee doll. Dirty cunt man, you, eh. Fuck sake, Lloyd, ah wish ah wis sixteen now and had aw this. Punk and that, that was shite compared tae this …

Ah look at him and then look around the room, – But ye have got it, ya daft cunt, just like you had punk, just like ye’ll have the next thing that comes along, cause you refuse tae grow up. Ye just like tae have yir cake n eat it. It’s the only fuckin way, man.

– Nae point in huvin yir cake if ye cannae fuckin well scran it back, eh, no?

– This is brilliant … how wis Tenerife by the way? Ye never really telt ays.

– Ace, man. Better than Ibiza. Ah’m no jokin. Ye should’ve come, Lloyd. You’d have lapped it up.

– Ah really wanted tae, Ally, but the hireys fucked it but, eh. Cannae save, that’s ma problem. What aboot John Bogweed last week? How wis that?

– John Bigheid? Shite.

– Aye.

– Happens though, eh.

– Aye … jist nivir goat intae the stuff eh wis playin … mind you, some ay it wis awright … you’re a dirty cunt …

– Ah know, ah know. You should fire intae Amber. She’s up fir ye, man.

– Fuck Lloyd, man, ah cannae be bothered shaggin Amber. I’ve started tae feel bad aboot chasin wee dolls, fillin thir heids wi shite and knobbing them, then runnin like fuck until the weekend, man. Ah feel like ah’m between fourteen and sixteen years auld again, when it was just a shag tae try and get it over wi as soon as possible. Headin straight back tae the first stage ay sexual development, me, eh, man.

– Ah aye, what’s the next stage?

– Ye take your time, gie the lassie a good feel, try to get her tae come, find clitoris, try oral sex … that wis me fae aboot sixteen tae aboot eighteen. Then eftir that, fae aboot eighteen tae aboot twenty one, it wis eywis positions wi me. Dae it different weys, try different approaches like doggy style, on chairs, up the erse and aw that sort of stuff, sort ay sexual gymnastics. The next stage was tae find a lassie and try tae tune intae each other’s internal rhythms. Make music thegither. The thing is, Lloyd, ah think ah’ve passed that stage and ah’m headin back in the full circle when ah want tae go forward.

– Maybe yuv jist covered everything, ah venture.

– Naw, he snaps, – no way. Ah want that kind ay psychic communion, gittin right inside each other’s nut, like astral flight and that. He presses his forefinger onto my head. – And that period is now until I find it. Never had it, man. Had the internal rhythms, but no the joining ay the souls. Never even came close. The eckies help, but the only way you can get the joining ay the souls is if you let her into your head and she lets you into hers, at the same time. It’s communication, man. You can’t get that with any Party Chick, even when you’re both E’d up. It has to be love. That’s what ah’m really lookin for, Lloyd: love.

Ah smile into his big eyes and say, – Yir a fuckin sexual philosopher, Mister Boyle.

– Naw ah’m no jokin. Ah’m lookin for love.

– Maybe that’s what we’re all really looking for, Ally.

– The thing is Lloyd, man, mibee ye cannae look fir it. Mibee it hus tae find you.

– Aye, but until ye do, ye want a fuckin good ride but, eh.

LATER ON, AMBER tearfully tells me that Ally’s rejected her and won’t sleep with her cause he doesnae love her as a lover, just as a pal. Nukes is in the kitchen with us and he just throws his hands up as if this is aw too heavy and says, – Ah’m away … see yis … But ah notice that the cunt has left wi this lassie, and this is the cue for everybody to head off but ah stay back and try to explain Ally’s stance to Amber and Hazel and do some lines of coke with her and we watch the sun come up and discuss everything. Hazel goes through to bed but Amber wants to stay up talking. Eventually, though, she falls asleep on the couch. Ah go through to another bedroom and get a quilt and put it over her. She looks peaceful. She needs a boyfriend: a nice young guy who’ll look after her and let her look after him. Ah think about getting intae bed with Hazel and crashing but ah could feel the distance growing between us with the MDMA running down in our bodies. Ah head hame and although I’m not religious ah pray for a boyfriend for Amber and a special girlfriend each for Ally and me. I’m not religious but ah just like the idea ay friends hoping for good things for each other; like the idea of all this goodwill floating around in psychic space.

Back hame ah neck two eggs and wash them down with a bottle of Becks. Ah stagger tae bed where a strange, disturbed sleep descends on me. Ah’m in Cunt City’s familiar district of Shag-You-Up-The-Fuckin-Hole.

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