– Aw Woodsy, man, ah pleaded. That cunt Woodsy was still on this religion kick. He’d kept at it, mind you, it was last summer when it began. The cunt had claimed to have seen God after two Supermarios and two snowballs at the outdoor Rezurrection. We dumped him in the Garage Room tae chill, he seemed tae be overheating badly. Ah stuck a Volvic in his hand and left him to the pink elephants. Wrong really, but ah was so fucking up and the light show was so phenomenal in the main tent that ah wanted tae get back to the action. Two maternalish Party Chicks kept an indulgent eye on him.

The careplan fucked up when Woodsy’s queasy attack necessitated him leaving the Party Chicks and heading for the chemical bogs to converse with the big aluminium telephone. It was in one of those putrid traps that he met the Big Chief.

The worst thing was that God apparently told him that Ecstasy was His gift to those in the know, who then had the duty to spread the word. He apparently instructed Woodsy to set up a Rave Gospel club.

Now ah didnae ken whether or no Woodsy’s head had fried, or he was on some self-important control kick; perhaps a Koresh-style scam to access as many Party Chicks as required. Are you receiving me, girls? Are you really ready to receive me, and all that head-fucking schissee, shit, merde, shite. Whatever, he was picking the wrong drug for a control freak. The only person you can control on E is yourself. Koresh wouldn’t have lasted five minutes if he had his posse E’d in Waco. Cut the fuckin religious shit, Davey ma man, we came to dance …

– Listen, Lloyd, you still goat they Technics decks at yours?

– Aye, bit thir Shaun’s like. Jist till eh comes back fae Thailand, eh.

Shaun was gaunny be away for a year, but if he had any sense he’d stey away for good, and Shaun was a sharp cunt. He’d teamed up with this guy from Lancashire called The Crow, and they had made a small fortune screwing rich cunt’s hooses. They had wisely decided tae call it quits before they did that one job too many and hit the trail to Thailand via Goa. Nice for them and nice for me as ah inherited the decks and Shaun’s record collection which boasted some ice-cool soul rarities.

– Ye must be gitting quite good oan them, eh?

– Awright, aye, ah lied. Ah’d only been looking after the decks for a couple of months. Ah had nae sense ay timing, nae motor skills and no a great deal ay vinyl. Ah had wanted tae practise oan them mair, but ah had been doing some joinery work on the side with my mate Drewsy and ah was daein quite a bit ay dealing for The Poisonous Cunt.