Bea looks over at Colin and me, and mouths ‘sorry’ as she hangs up.

I can’t hold back, anger is coursing through me. ‘Tonight wasn’t some joke thing, Bea.’ I feel my voice cracking.

‘I know, I know, Ol, I just said that to Isla to make things easier. I know it’s not.’

‘You must have thought it, a bit?’

‘No! I was just trying to make Isla feel better. And you were here for a work thing, right? I was just giving Isla the facts.’

‘Why are you clinging on to that? I’ve told you, Bea. This was more than a work thing for me.’

‘OK, Ol, I’m sorry. Look, if I’m totally honest, I guess I always just presumed you would settle down one day. Maybe that’s wrong or naïve of me. I suppose on some level I just always imagined us raising kids together, doing the same stuff like we always have, you know? I don’t want you to rule anything out.’

‘Bea, if I wanted to settle down, I’d still be with Jacob. No one is understanding my pain at the moment – no one!’

‘But look at it from a different angle: what if Jacob wasn’t the right guy?’

‘He was, Bea, he was the perfect guy!’ I break down in tears. ‘It’s not that hard to believe, is it? That I don’t want a family? I feel like you literally don’t know me at all.’

‘Ol, please, don’t do this. We need to support each other,’ Bea says, desperately. ‘I promise I’m hearing you.’

‘Come on Olive,’ Colin says, quietly.

‘Can you pull over please?’ I ask the driver.

‘Really, now, love?’ he says, surprised.

‘Yes, now. Please.’

‘Ol, don’t do that,’ Colin pleads.

The CFBC was not a silly thing at all. Far from it. The driver pulls over to the side of the road on Shoreditch High Street, I grab my bag and slam the door, hard. I know I’m drunk. Maybe I’m being dramatic. But I can’t stop myself.

‘You childless people, you have no idea! What’s the biggest drama you have to put up with?’

Michael McIntyre, 2013, Live at the Apollo

26

My phone rings loudly. Phone calls make me anxious; voicemails even more so. No one actually calls any more and, if they do, something’s most likely up. So it’s no surprise that I don’t leap for joy when Bea’s name pops up on my screen. I’m still annoyed with her. I pick up with a ‘Hello’ which has the perfect amount of bluntness and maturity. I think.

All I can hear is hysterical shouting and screaming in the background. I can barely hear Bea. I recognize Cecily’s voice. Why is she screaming? Bea speaks quickly, panting in between sentences.

‘Oscar is locked inside the house.’

‘What?’

‘Cec accidentally shut the door and it locked automatically. With the baby inside.’

‘Fuuuuuck …’

‘Yeah, can you come here and support? She’s really panicking.’

‘Yes, yes I’m coming now.’ I hang up. Whatever’s happening between me and Bea, it sounds like Cec needs me more.