‘That must have been scary?’ I ask, chomping on another biscuit.

‘Yeah. God yeah. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. But who does? You just know it’s gotta come out of you somehow. You’re in safe hands. It was scarier when I had to bring him home … the amount of times I’ve put my ear next to his mouth just to check … he’s such a bloody quiet sleeper. It’s annoying and terrifying.’

‘I don’t know how you do it – I’m already such an anxious person,’ I say.

‘I remember the nurse plonking him in my arms and I was just thinking “WTF is this?”’ Cec says. ‘I know it sounds weird but, even after I gave birth, I thought why is someone handing this baby to me? I was so, so out of it. Like, how is this little thing mine?’

‘Wow, Cec.’ My eyes widen in admiration.

‘I just concentrated on keeping calm because I gathered it would hurt more if I was stressing. I’ll tell you something that I think is bullshit, though. This whole “you forget the pain!” malarkey. There is no way I’ll ever forget the pain. I know some women who think about the pain every day.’

‘Yeah, I think we are all sold that lie,’ I say.

Cec puts Oscar down for a nap in his Moses basket.

‘A woman called Charlotte delivered Oscar and I think I might send her some nice bits from Anthropologie.’

‘That’s a lovely idea.’ I pause.

Oscar was looking so sweet, but I couldn’t help but think babies were also like little vampires. Sucking the nutrients from your bones and brain cells. Obviously not something to say out loud to Cec.

‘And how was Chris, was he helpful through it all?’

‘Hmmm, I suppose.’ She sighs. ‘You know what he’s like Ol. Not always the most compassionate man in the world. He did his job and got me to hospital at least.’

‘I would say his “job” is to do more than that, Cec!’

‘Yeah well. I think we both know I was always going to be the one doing most of the work. I don’t think he especially wants his life or career to change,’ she says.

‘I’m sure you don’t want your career to change that much either!’

‘Yeah. I’ve been reading all these blogs and articles about equal parenting … but there’s just no way that’s going to be Chris and I.’

We look down at Oscar in silence. He blinks slowly and stretches out his little hands.

‘Well, I’m here if you ever need help or a babysitter.’ It came out of my mouth, and I sort of mean it, but the idea of being left alone with a baby also petrifies me.

‘Anyway, sorry about the state of the house,’ she says, looking around anxiously. It’s the second time she’s apologized about it.

‘Cec. Don’t be silly! Maybe you could get a cleaner?’ I suggest.

‘I could do. I just hate it being so chaotic and disordered. You know what I’m like, I hate feeling like I’m not in control. I could have a word with Chris about helping out around the house I suppose.’ She laughs abruptly.