The next morning, we all sit around drinking coffee in our dressing gowns. Marcus has gone off for a morning run. I call him a crazy fitness freak.

A text appears from my mum. Love how she is texting a day late.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLIVE!

Thanks Mum

HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY DAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND NEW PARTNER. SORRY I COULDN’T ATTEND. M x

ps. SO LOVELY RE JACOB’S NEWS ISN’T IT?

What?

What news?

I can’t help myself.

BABY NEWS.

I throw my phone on the floor. Then, I pick it back up. I can’t breathe. And I do a bad thing. It could practically be classed as self-harm. I go onto Jacob’s Instagram account. He hasn’t updated his account for months, but I go through everyone he is following. And find her. A girl called Julia. My brain ticks. I feel that triggering, uncomfortable feeling that I thought I would have moved on from. After all, I’m happily settled down now.

‘What’s up?’ Cecily asks. She can tell when I start getting tetchy, I start to twirl the front pieces of my hair. Apparently the colour has sort of drained from my face.

‘Nothing …’ I reply, manically looking into my phone.

‘It’s the weekend, you’re not meant to be working,’ Cecily says, trying to snatch my phone from my hand.

I turn away: ‘I’m not.’

‘What are you doing then?’

‘Searching for—’

‘What?’

‘Fuck.’

‘What?’

‘Nothing.’ I go into the kitchen. Cec follows me.

‘Olive?’

‘Jacob. His new girlfriend.’ I pause. ‘Pregnant.’

‘Oh … god.’

‘I know,’ I say.

‘Well,’ I can see Cec’s brain cogs do the mental arithmetic, ‘do you care?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You were always going to feel this way, whether it’s now or in five years’ time. It was always going to hurt when Jacob moved on.’

I check. Yes, my heart is fully intact. I haven’t exploded. The ground is still sturdy beneath my feet.

‘I thought he might have told me,’ I say, ‘considering the reason we broke up.’

‘I suppose you haven’t written to him about Marcus.’

‘I know. I don’t know. It’s just – you know, I’d finally managed to push him from my mind. But now, he’s right back there. And I’m happy for him. But I’m also sad. Jacob’s getting what he wanted, finally, and he deserves that. No one deserves that more than him.’ I feel something knot up inside me. ‘I suppose it’s just a reminder that, it could have been me. That was supposed to be me, but it was never really going to be.’

‘Yes, Ol, because you didn’t want that. You could have had it, and you didn’t want it. Look at your life now. You’re happy. Please don’t distract from that.’

‘I’m actually … happy for him.’ I blow my nose into a tissue. ‘I think it’s hay-fever.’

‘Come here.’ Cecily pulls me into her. Bea’s kid Andrew wanders in and hugs my legs while I cry. Then Marcus comes in, hair scruffy and his face all red from his run. He doesn’t ask why I’m crying but he just strokes my hair anyway. He stretches his long arms and hugs all of us. A conga line of hugs. I have so much, right here.