I cuddle him, and what I do feel is love. The love I feel for this baby is because he’s an extension of my best mate, a mini Cecily – he has her blue eyes and the exact shape of her ears. A baby is a symbol of a fresh start, new beginnings, and some new hope for a messed-up world. They make you forget about politics, the news, the chaos the grown-ups have brought about. Something new to fall in love with.

‘So … how the fuck are you? How is everything? How is your downstairs department?’ I say, stroking Oscar’s dry little head, while Cec rearranges her boobs inside her feeding bra. ‘Whoops, shouldn’t swear in front of the baby, should I?’

‘I’m OK. Bit sore. A layer of skin came off my nipples today. Clean off. Ouch. And I’m tired, of course, but on the mend. He is so lovely, isn’t he?’ She looks slightly broken, but she’s beaming too.

Oscar was starting to get a bit heavy on my arm. Would it be considered rude if I gave him back to her already? I decide to err on the side of caution and hold him for a bit longer.

‘I’ll tell you though, Ol, I’m so happy to see my feet and my fanny again,’ she says.

‘So, what was it … like? Popping out a baby?’ I ask, reaching for a Hobnob. A few biscuit crumbs fall on Oscar’s head and onto the perfectly clean white baby-grow he is wearing. I flick them off with the back of my hand.

‘Don’t look so terrified.’ Cec laughs. ‘You know you’ll be fine … if you ever do.’

‘Thank you for saying “if”. Most people say “when”.’

‘Well, exactly,’ Cec says, rubbing Oscar’s back, who is flopping forwards like a miniature drunken old man.

Cecily fiddles with her nursing bra again and I’m amazed and filled with pride at how quickly my friend is getting the hang of it all. My friend, a mother! It seems like only the other day that we were in nappies ourselves. My pride for Cecily turns into a tinge – and then a full-on wave – of sadness. She has been so understanding about the Jacob break-up, but there’s only so much I can divulge when she’s struggling with a newborn. I’m not sure she really understands how lonely I am feeling, just like I can’t truly ‘get’ all the stuff swirling around her head right now either.

Cec moves Oscar to the nappy-changing table.

‘So come on, you have to tell me your birth story.’

‘I mean, it was absolutely mental. No one prepares you for what birth is really like. Yeah, it hurts like hell. But it’s also, I don’t know, the most natural thing? The midwives have delivered thousands of healthy babies. I read lots beforehand, the classic books and some online forums and stuff. I had an idea of all the different ways it could go. I had a “birth plan” but it sort of just goes out of the window. Oscar was in an awkward position, so I needed a bit of “help” with forceps. I’m pretty confident two nurses had their full hands up my vagina as well. Did not see that one coming.’