‘Hello?’

‘Hi … Olive?’ Jacob says, sounding inquisitive. His face appears on my laptop. He obviously has his camera on. I see that he is sitting in a home office, with some paintings on the wall behind him. Must be where he lives now.

‘Hi!’

‘Hi.’ He laughs at the back and forth. ‘Did you … ring?’

‘I think it was by accident,’ I lie. ‘But … how are you?’

‘I’m … good. It’s been ages. It feels really weird to hear your voice.’ He laughs nervously.

‘I know. It’s always going to feel weird, isn’t it?’ I say.

‘What’s new with you?’ he asks, scratching the back of his head.

‘The usual, really. But, I’m good. It’s taken a while, but I really am,’ I say, meaning it. I pause momentarily. ‘Mum … told me. About your news.’

‘Oh.’ He gulps. ‘Yes. Yes it’s … exciting. I didn’t know whether to say anything or, how … or … whether you’d care or … or what to say really. It’s all happened rather quickly to be honest – bit of a surprise.’

‘It’s OK, Jacob. I’m not ringing you to be weird with you. I just wish in some alternate universe it could have been me.’ My voice tightens. ‘But … you’re going to be a fantastic father.’ I want to ask about his new partner, but I bite my tongue.

‘Olive, what we had was really special. That doesn’t just vanish. Maybe it never will.’

I sniff. ‘I’m glad this is happening for you.’

‘Thank you for everything … over the years, Olive.’

‘You too. We had fun, didn’t we?’ I smile.

‘We did. It’s hard to know if we could ever be friends; maybe you think that would be impossible. Or, maybe I would. But, you know, I’d love you to meet the baby when it’s here.’

Tears start to form.

‘I would love to. But let’s see,’ I say.

We say goodbye, using work as an excuse. I close my laptop. I look over the London horizon as the sun starts to go down and realize that two things can always be true at once. I can still love Jacob, in a different way, from a different angle, and still love my new, uncomplicated life with Marcus. I can still accept that my path with Jacob was intense and wonderful and special, until we reached the fork in the road and had to change direction. I can be happy and sad. I can be happy for him, and sad for the circumstances. I can mourn the past, and be excited for the future.

It hasn’t gone unnoticed with Marcus that I don’t see my best friends as much as I talk about them. He made a passing comment the other day that I hadn’t seen them since my birthday. I should message them. I could be bitter and passive aggressive and mention the fact that it is always me trying to get us together, but the truth is, I want to see them more than I want to prove I’m right. Yes, I am usually the one to instigate things in the WhatsApp group, but I also don’t want to sit around just waiting for them to call; life is too short. I feel the need to bite the bullet now. Our friendship might have been changing and wavering and blowing around in a stormy wind, but I know it needs some grounding. WhatsApp is the worst for communication. We need to get in one room together, facial expressions, body language, awkward atmosphere and all. There have been so many times where I have been tempted to cut it all off, to run away, to shrug and say, ‘Perhaps we aren’t the friends we used to be.’ But I am absolutely determined to set it right again. Our friendship means too much.