Just like when Father returned home after a day of wandering and did not look anything like the man who had left the house. There was no way to figure out what had happened to him that day, how his day had gone, and what kind of a person he’d been.

Amir is a stranger and he is absent. Whoever he was today, he couldn’t have been happy. Because if he was, it would have rubbed off on us too. Whenever Father came home, he stood by the door miserable and drained, just like a merchant who has just found out that he’s bankrupt.

I lay down close to Amir. Right now, I am not his wife, his mother, or his sister. We have no connection. The cold, white glare of the TV, like a spotlight from the enemy line, identifies us. We have collapsed on the carpet like two strangers. I cling to Amir and hold on tight to his shoulders. He turns over and hugs me in his sleep. We are not husband and wife. Neither is he a man, nor am I a woman. We are simply two people seeking comfort in each other’s arms.

Chapter 34

34

Shahla, Mahin, and Maman want to go home. They came over this afternoon and now its night, the beginning of the night, a little after sunset. Shahin is hanging on to Mahin’s arm. “Take me too.”

Shadi is sucking on her finger. Maman has lifted up her heavy body and is straightening her dress. “I’ll stay if you’re scared.”

“No, no, I am not scared.”

Mahin tells Shahin, “Go get changed and let’s go.”

Shahla is at the door, shining her shoes. She is in a rush. Has work to do.

She says, “We can’t. He’ll want his mother. We can’t bring him back in the middle of the night.”

Mahin says, “Shahin is not a kid. He is a man.”

I say, “Mahin dear, it’s okay. It’s a hassle to take him and bring him back.”

Shahin is crying.

“If we take you, your mother will be all alone.”

That’s what Maman says.

Shahin is crying. Maman takes out some money from her purse. Shahin throws down the money.

Maman says, “Okay, go get changed and come back.”

Shahin has taken out his clothes from the drawer. “Maman, where are my socks?”

He has put on one sock halfway and is holding the other one in his hand. He is not looking at me. He is embarrassed about leaving me alone. He comes to the living room. I notice that the ceiling is too high and the light very dim. The shadow of the chandelier is cast on the walls. The faucet in the kitchen is dripping. Shadi is holding on tight to my hand.

I say, “Shahin, Sweetheart, I myself will take you out tomorrow.”