I want to scream. But Amir isn’t looking at me. He has turned toward the woman. No one looks at his sister like that. I am almost certain.

I squeeze my eyelids so hard that my face gets tied into knots.

I tell myself it is all over between Amir and me. I feel a sadness different from any other. I hear myself weep. It sounds like Maman’s weeping.

I feel his body against mine. I have not opened my eyes yet, but I am awake. It must be almost morning. Amir has come to bed. I put my arms around him and rest my head on his neck. Reconciling silently is the best way. Amir is back and he does not know from where I have got him back.

Chapter 19

19

The second time Aunt Mahboub sent me back, I smelled like urine. The night before, I had wet my bed, and Aunt Mahboub was fed up with me. Maman told me to go to the basement and wait for her. I was happy to be back at our own house. I did not like Aunt Mahboub’s house. I was terrified of Uncle Qadir, constantly winking at me. In my nightmares, a big locust would come toward me, with a stick in his mouth. Uncle Qadir would take the hookah out of his mouth for three reasons: when he wanted to butter up Aunt Mahboub, when he wanted to wink at me, and when he wanted me to pour tea for him, so that he could hold my hand as I was serving him and blow the smoke in my face.

“You don’t like your uncle?”

“I do.”

He would wink. “Then why do you run away?”

“I am not running away!”

I took a step back. Maman turned the water on. Told me to get undressed. Maman was weeping and swearing. I did not know who she was swearing at, but I had learned who they were meant for by the type of swear words. Maman held the hose with cold water on my feet. I got goose bumps and shivered. The swear word that Maman used was meant for my father. Then it was her parents’ turn. Aunt Mahboub had her share, too.

“Hurry up. Sit down!”

Swear words and the weight of her hand hit my bare back simultaneously. I jumped up like a frog because of the cold water, my body shivering from the cold as if I was electrified. I cried. Maman had made me black and blue.

“Stupid, hopeless girl!”

I did not say that I was scared of Uncle Qadir. I saw him searching Aunt Mahboub’s purse. By moving the mouthpiece of the hookah across his neck, he let me know that if I said anything, Aunt Mahboub would cut my throat.