“You don’t have to look like you’re mourning for the kids. If people didn’t know better, they would think that, God forbid, the kids are sick.”

I have to raise the kids.

I have to get Shadi immunized. She screams constantly. Shahin says, “Maman, we should take Shadi to the market, sell her, and be done with her.”

Shadi sucks on her finger.

“Put pepper on her finger and close this door. No one is going to hear if a thief breaks in.”

Shahin sits up in his bed in the middle of the night and cries out loud.

“What if my blood pressure goes up? There are no cars. No taxis.”

I have to raise the kids.

Shahin makes Shadi cry, and I spank him.

Maman says, “So what that you hit him. Kids grow up by being spanked. This is not a reason for you to cry.”

It is a reason to cry. Kids don’t grow up by getting spanked. Kids don’t grow up by being humiliated. They get taller, but they don’t grow up.

I say this to myself.

Shahin says, “Maman, you like Shadi better than me.”

It is snowing. The polar bear is sleeping under the blanket. The polar bear is telling stories for the kids. She cooks lentils for them, and in the afternoons she takes them out to play.

The polar bear is bored, bored of constantly having to take care of the kids, of the peeling walls, the broken water heater, the cockroaches that do not die with any kind of bug killer. She is tired of the long days turning to night, and of long nights that are filled with tears. The polar bear yells at the kids for no reason.

Shahla says, “You are no mother!”

I scream, “No, I am not, I am not a mother. I am a cow, a bear.”

Maman says, “Why are you so cranky? It is not our fault that your husband is gone.”

Shahla says, “With your temper, I don’t blame him for going away.”

“Yes, I cannot hold on to my husband.”

I shout again. Maman gets up to leave. The kids hang on to her sleeve.

“Stay!”

Maman is upset. “No, we should be going. If we stay here any longer your Mom is going to dismiss us!”