Let’s not fool ourselves. I didn’t dislike her. I hated her.

But everyone else seemed to love her, which of course made me hate her even more.

I’ve remembered one more thing. She would write on paper from her ‘Daddy’s office’, insisting it was the best.

Mia beams when she sees her. I shrivel and prepare my ears for an onslaught.

‘Mia, oh my goodness, you haven’t changed a bit! It’s so good to see you!’

They do three ceremonious air kisses before Harriet turns her attention to me. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve ever met. I’m Harriet.’

Obviously, we have met before. She recognizes me – she just wants to be a bitch. Fine. I can deal with that.

‘We took about six modules together over three years and were in the same tutorials for most of them. But don’t worry. It was a while ago. My name is Bea.’

‘Oh, Bea, of course. Sorry – you’ve changed so much.’

She means I’ve put on weight. She’s not wrong, but she is rude.

‘You too.’ Ha! ‘But I guess that’s only natural … it has been a long time since the Cold War. Learning about it, obviously.’

‘Obviously.’ She not-so-subtly angles away from me. ‘So, Mia, what have you been up to?’

I keep my face as open and approachable-looking as possible, but inside I shut down. After tonight I will never have to see these people again. I will never be hoodwinked into coming to another one of these things.

At least at school reunions you get to wander around previously forbidden places like the staff room, but here I am scared to walk away in case I look like a crab and give Harriet even more ammunition.

It’s such a random collection of people too. I doubt the majority of these people ever spoke to each other at university, so why do they think they’ll have anything in common now?

I’m reaching the maximum amount of time I’m able to listen to Harriet’s voice and start to look for an escape route. I resort to an oldie but a goodie – I finish my drink and head away for a top-up. As soon as I move, mini burgers come out, and yep, they head straight to where I was standing. Still, missing a mini burger is a small price to pay for the safety of your future hearing and sanity.

It’s like a minefield of foes in here, and I can’t see a safe way to the drinks table. I opt for the route that has the most backs facing my path.

Safely at the drinks station (a table covered with a whitish cloth), I ask the person behind the table for another glass of red wine, and I’m left exposed as she hunts around for a new bottle. Apparently someone underestimated the popularity of the red.

‘Hi.’ I turn to face the voice. ‘You probably don’t remember me but, well, this is embarrassing, we kinda used to study together. I’d always sit in front of you in the library.’