Now outside, the fresh air is a relief on my face, but it’s not enough to distract me from thinking about Mia. I don’t know what to do. She was the one who said some not very nice things, but part of me still wants to apologize. For what, I don’t know, but I miss her.

CHAPTER 15

The next day I find it really hard to get out of bed, and not because I’m hungover. My mind is going round and round asking too many questions that I don’t have the answers to. It is extremely irritating. I am extremely irritated.

My mum’s now usual good morning message pings in. For the first time, I don’t reply. I’m swimming in a sea of questions and anxiety.

Do I actually like anything about my job? Do I like living alone? Would it be healthier to live with other people? Should I quit my job and travel the world with my (very limited/non-existent) savings? Could I be the kind of person who goes travelling without a day-by-day itinerary? Should I go back to school and learn how to build websites or write code? Should I get a new haircut? Or a tragus piercing? Should I go on a diet? Should I take up trampolining? Should I stop working on the cards, and spend that time trying to get promoted in my actual job? Do I care enough about vitamins to work there at all? Should I get a house rabbit in place of getting a dog? Can I be bothered to wash my hair this morning, or could I tie a fashionable scarf around it to hide the grease?

I decide not to wash my hair.

And I’m in luck, because despite being a full hour late to work, nobody says a thing, nobody bugs me as I catch up on the ‘news’, and my boss is absent. It’s glorious.

All in all, an OK day to decide to come in. And a great day to come in late with a latte.

As usual, despite a long list of tedious tasks that require my attention, I end up prioritizing personal admin. Today’s task? Looking for something to hang above my bed.

I’ve narrowed it down to five different options across three different sites when an office newbie, probably called Emily, comes over.

‘Hiiiii.’ I hope she can’t tell that I’m unsure about her name. ‘How can I help?’

‘Hi, Bea.’

She’s a chirpy one.

‘This is a silly question, but I’m still quite new here and Penny said that you would be the perfect person to ask, ’cause you know all the history and have dealt with her before.’ Oh God. I know who she’s going to ask about. ‘I need to send some feedback to Cathy Armstrong on her latest ad, and I heard that she can be kinda, well, prickly. Joan isn’t in today, so can you read over what I’ve written before I send it?’

‘Joan is your manager?’