We are both quiet for a moment. That is really lovely.

‘I bet the perfect bloody bowl is the one that I broke after I threw it at his head. I’ve been offering him guilt blow jobs for days. He hasn’t taken me up on the offer yet, so I’m still in purgatory.’

Poor Mark.

‘Please can we change the subject? I can’t think about the bowls any more.’

I’ve already filled her in on my biggest news. But I can’t possibly tell her the Peter news. I can’t bear to let her know how badly I messed it up.

Luckily I don’t have to. She gives me something else to talk about.

‘How are Tilly’s wedding plans going?’

‘Well, as it’s Tilly, it’s actually all going OK. She’s had to go with her second-choice band, but apart from that it’s all fallen into place quite well.’ So well, in fact, that I suspect she already had the venue and caterer booked before getting engaged.

‘Of course it has – that girl is charmed.’ I feel a bit bad that this is Mia’s assessment of Tilly. One thing I’ve learnt from spending more time with Tilly is that she works really hard to be charmed.

‘Actually, she—’

I hear a laugh. Was it Peter’s laugh? It sounded like it could be.

‘Did you hear that?’

‘Hear what?’

I look around. ‘I thought I heard Peter.’

She looks around very casually. ‘Nope, I don’t think you did.’ From her face, I know she knows I’m hiding something. ‘I don’t think he’s coming this evening.’

‘Oh.’ My shoulders fall. ‘OK, well, that’s good.’

She tilts her head.

‘Bea, what happened?’

It takes less time to tell the story than I thought it would, and at the end she doesn’t need to keep digging. She knows I’ve shared everything, warts and all.

But she does still have some questions.

‘So, which part of this story brings you the most shame?’

Sometimes I really wish she would beat around the bush a bit more.

‘There are a few.’ I count them off on my fingers. ‘Firstly, the fact we had sex and I don’t remember it. Secondly, the fact I threw myself at him and he pushed me away. He pushed me away. And last but not least, the fact he hasn’t messaged me since.’

‘I would hasten to add that you haven’t messaged him either. But I’m glad you told him how you feel.’

‘Argh, why do people keep saying this! I didn’t tell him, I launched myself at him.’ I wish there was a way to know what he was thinking without actually having to ask.

‘Meh, actions speak louder than words. I’m sure you’ll survive this.’

How can she be so casual? ‘I don’t know if we will. I found out from one of his work colleagues that he is going to Australia for a year, which kinda puts a time crunch on working all of this out.’ Although I’m not sure time will help.