I shrugged. ‘Nothing wrong with the odd can of Coke or the Golden Arches, and who doesn’t need Mini Eggs in their life? Don’t beat yourself up. How are you finding the placenta capsules by the way?’

‘Lin’s been the one necking most of them,’ she chuckled. ‘I can’t bring myself to tell her that the thought of it makes me want to vomit.’

‘Is she buzzing around like a toddler full of sugar?’ I smirked.

‘To be honest with you, I’m so riddled with tiredness, absolutely everyone looks like a Duracell Bunny compared to me,’ she replied.

‘Anyway, do you want to hear a funny story?’ I leant in. ‘I was feeling so pasty last week, I fake-tanned myself while Joni was snoozing.’

‘Fake tan?’ she said. ‘You’re lucky to have gorgeous olive skin, you don’t need it.’

I pushed up my sleeve. ‘Being half Indian helps, but this is pale for me. Besides, I needed a boost.’ I looked across at Joni, her little face poking out from under the white bonnet given to us by Jason’s parents, and felt glad that she couldn’t know I was talking about her. ‘Anyway, Joni ended up waking and I gave her a cuddle forgetting the tan was still wet on my skin. I didn’t notice, but a couple of hours later, there was a huge brown splodge on her cheek. When Jason got home, he asked if it was a birth mark. I felt so guilty.’

Susie started to laugh. ‘That’s too funny.’

‘Look, you can still see it.’ I pointed to the area. ‘It won’t come off. And, typical, the health visitor was coming the next morning.’

‘Did she notice?’ Susie asked, her hand across her mouth to stop any crumbs of carrot cake from escaping as she giggled.

‘Of course she did, so I had to come clean. She gave me a painful lecture about the types of cleansing products that are safe to use on newborn skin. I felt like I was in detention at school.’

‘They can be so preachy, those health visitors. Mine always eyes me with suspicion, like I’m depressed or not coping as I should. Although sometimes I think she’s onto something.’ Her voice trailed off.

‘Mine’s just the same,’ I reassured her. ‘But you could try talking to her about how you’re feeling, if you’re worried. I’m sure she’ll have some good advice. And I’m always here, that’s what we all joined The Baby Group for isn’t it? To help each other get through this?’ I ate the last bit of carrot cake. ‘As for me, I might go the whole hog and give Joni a summer shimmer for the next visit. Perhaps try some Sun In in her hair – that’ll give my health visitor something to really worry about,’ I said, and we both cracked up again.

Just then we were disturbed by a loud noise from Joni’s nappy. Even the people at the next table turned to look.

‘Oh great – poo-mageddon again!’ I exclaimed. ‘Off to the bathroom for me, I might be some time. I’m going in…’ I grabbed the nappy bag.