I spent a while considering how to respond. I was so angry that Jason had put me in this position, where I had no option but to lie to my new friend in order to cover up my embarrassment and shame that I had had no idea he was not coming back to The Baby Group yesterday. I eventually responded:

Me: Yes, all good. Jase had a funny turn, think he’s coming down with the man flu!

Lucy: Oh dear, sorry to hear that. Nothing’s as bad as man flu. Fancy another coffee and croissant this week? Maybe in town this time, while we can?

Me: I’m actually meeting a friend at Selfridges tomorrow, for tea and a look round the baby department. You’re welcome to join us?

Lucy: Sounds great, love to! I’ve got to pop into the office first thing, but I’ve got some holiday to use up, so I’ll take off the afternoon. Just let me know what time. Lx

Monday 10^th May

With less than two weeks until my due date, I was feeling nervous about travelling too far from home on my own. The possibility of my waters breaking, a ‘show’, or the onset of contractions in a public place, when I wasn’t in easy reach of our house or with Jason, scared me. But with Jason’s unreliability reaching new heights in the last few days, I was starting to think that Lucy cared more about me anyway. She was certainly looking out for me more than he was right now. I hadn’t seen Tara for a few weeks, so when she had suggested taking a day off work for a shopping trip to the Selfridges baby department, followed by tea and macaroons in the Foodhall, I decided there was safety in travelling as a pair. Plus I really needed to speak to someone about Jason. I told Lucy to meet us slightly later, in The White Company concession, so Tara and I could talk before she arrived.

Tara kindly offered to get an Uber from Crystal Palace to Clapham Common station so we could get the Tube into town together. She greeted me with a hug so warm and familiar it made my eyes water on the spot. I felt a lump in my throat that no amount of deep breaths and light-hearted chat about what her kids had been up to could make go away. As we sat next to each other in the Tube carriage, travelling towards Stockwell, her eyes landed upon my face and settled there. She read me like an open book.

‘You’re not your usual bubbly self Aish, what’s up? Is it Jason?’

I nodded in response.

‘Is he working too much again?’

‘He’s still doing all the extra hours available, but there’s more to it than that, Tara,’ I said. My eyes filled with tears. She took my hand in hers. I noticed a woman sat opposite register that I was on the brink of crying and felt a pang of shame. She smiled sympathetically at me. It wasn’t a healthy look for a heavily pregnant woman to be in tears, unless she’s in labour. It was just a pity that my husband had barely noticed how close to the edge of despair I was.