What a fool I had been. An anger bubbled to the surface as I began questioning how many other times they had deceived me. I wondered why Lucy had been in the same Baby Group as us. Surely it wasn’t a coincidence. But what did she want from all of this? Was she trying to steal my husband? Why did she want to cause me so much pain? Before I realized what I was doing, I banged my fist against the table in frustration. It made the soup bowl shake and some of it splashed over the edge.

Joni looked up at me from her baby seat by the table. She looked worried.

‘I’m sorry my darling, I didn’t mean to scare you.’ I undid the clasp and picked her up, cuddling her into my chest. There was nothing more comforting than her warm body; she reached for my hair with a podgy avocado-smeared hand and tugged it.

I tried to keep positive. To focus on the facts. There were plenty of blanks I would need to ask Jason to fill in when the time was right, but for now, I wanted to believe it was just the ‘one night of madness’ he told me about. Joni pulled my hair again.

‘What is it, little one?’ I asked. I was losing the plot now, thinking a three-month-old was trying to tell me something. I looked into her eyes. So far Jason had agreed to abide by my wish for space, but perhaps it was unfair to deny Joni the chance to see her father. I had to think about what was best for her too; she was the innocent party in all of this.

I texted Jason back:

OK, but I’m not ready for you to stay long. You could come tomorrow, for an hour at 2 p.m., to spend time with Joni.

No kiss at the end.

Thank you. I’ll be there then x

I had completely lost my appetite now. I gave Joni some more of the mush, which she appreciatively gobbled down, and then laid her onto her jungle gym in the front room for a kick-about, which would hopefully wear her out ahead of bath time. I returned to the kitchen and poured the soup down the sink and put the toast in the bin. I flicked the kettle on before wandering from room to room as my mind raced with what Jason might say tomorrow, and all the things I wanted to say to him. I went into the bathroom to run the baby bath for Joni; while the water ran into the little plastic bassinet, I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes. My face was bare of make-up. I looked weary. There were bags under my eyes, and the last week had taken the colour from my skin. There was a degree of leanness to my face that I hadn’t seen since pre-pregnancy, but it wasn’t a good thing. I looked older. For a moment I thought about what I might wear tomorrow when Jason came around, but then decided against making any effort – why should I hide the battle scars of the last week?