“I’m sorry, Lily. I really am truly sorry. I know that what I’ve done is unforgivable. I wish you could know how much I hate myself for it. I wish you could know how sorry I am.” She swallowed, the muscles in her throat conspiring against her. Ben’s words echoed in her ears and she raised her head, looked directly at Lily, holding her gaze. “I’m sorry for cutting you off all this time. And I’m sorry for the impact it’s had on you, on Mum, on all of us. I don’t expect you ever to be able to forgive me but if there was any chance we could . . . I don’t know . . . If there was any chance we could just not hate each other . . .” She faltered, words eluding her. She dropped her head, pulling at a loose thread on her blouse, winding it around and around her finger until it dug into her flesh.

“I’ve never hated you, Jess. Never. I’ve been angry with you. I’ve been bewildered by you. There’ve been times I’ve wanted to scream with frustration at you. But I’ve never hated you. You’re my sister and I love you. I love you even when you’re acting in ways I don’t understand, even when I don’t see you for years. I never stopped loving you.”

Jess blinked and watched one tear, then another, drop onto the thighs of her jeans. It was only once she’d counted a dozen that she felt able to lift her head and find her voice. “I love you too, Lily. And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

They reached out and found one another’s hands across the rosewood table, their eyes clouded with tears, and it was as though all the years of separation were slowly dissolving.

“I’ve got some tissues in my bag. Let me get them out.”

Jess sniffed loudly as Lily burrowed in her bag and emerged with a packet of tissues, handing one to Jess. “Are you OK?”

Jess nodded, even though she wasn’t quite sure what it meant anymore. “You?”

Lily smiled, and it was as if her sister were transforming in front of her: no longer the monster Jess had spent almost thirty years imagining her to be, but a woman who had spent as long as Jess imprisoned by a secret she had felt compelled to keep for the protection of others.

“It’s going to be OK, Jess. We can do this, I know we can.”

Lily smiled at her again, and Jess wanted to reciprocate but there was still so much to be resolved. “What about Mum . . .?”

“Do you think Mum’s OK . . . ?”

Their questions collided and they each stopped abruptly, their eyes catching and releasing like a hook-and-eye fastening that couldn’t quite hold.

“You go ahead. In what way?”

Jess paused, trying to untangle a knot of feelings, unsure whether she could work her way from the guilt at one end to absolution at the other. “When Zoe died I felt as though a part of me had died too, a part of me I knew I’d never get back. And I haven’t. There’s always been a part of me missing. And now, knowing what Mum did . . . I can’t help feeling it was Mum who stole that part away from me and I don’t know how to forgive her for it.”