“I’m just doing what I should have done years ago, Jess. I’m trying to make things better.”

Chapter 44

Audrey

As she waited to see how Lily and Jess might react, Audrey imagined what the scene might look like now if there were three daughters standing opposite her rather than two. Whether all three might be smiling, rather than one looking thunderous and the other wary. Whether there might be more grandchildren to join Mia and Phoebe, chatting among themselves, rather than looking on anxiously to see how the adults might next choose to make a mess of their family.

So often, in the space where Audrey’s third daughter should have been, was an imagined scene of how life might have been unfolding if Zoe were still alive.

“Mum, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you: this fantasy reconciliation of yours is never going to happen. Why can’t you leave it alone? Why can’t you just be happy with the relationships you’ve got?”

The exasperation in Jess’s voice was sharp, piercing. Audrey glanced between Lily and Jess, wondering whether there was anything she could have done to put an end to this sooner. “I love you both. You know I do. And I can’t bear to see you estranged like this. Can you imagine what it’s like when the two people you love most in the world refuse to be in the same room?”

She turned to Jess but her daughter looked away, her expression glacial.

Audrey felt her heart bend out of shape. Part of her wanted to retreat, to accept defeat. But even as Jess glared at her, words began to tumble out of her mouth. “For goodness’ sake, Jess, you must understand how this is for me. I’ve got one daughter who refuses to speak to the other and two granddaughters I’m not allowed to see together. And I don’t have time to wait around for a reconciliation. Whatever it is you think Lily’s done, I’m asking you to put an end to it. Please, Jess, I’m begging you. Forgive her, please.”

Chapter 45

Jess

Jess said nothing as her mum sank into a chair and rested her head on her hands. She didn’t move as Mia and Phoebe flanked their grandmother, their arms around her shoulders. All around her people were eating, drinking, and celebrating together, perfect examples of the family her mum wished theirs could be.

A familiar irony drummed inside Jess’s head: that only by incurring her mum’s wrath could she protect her from a story she wouldn’t want to hear.

She looked up to where Lily was gazing at her with an expression of hurt and confusion that made Jess want to scream: What is it you want from me? What more could you possibly want other than my silence?

Seeing that look on Lily’s face made Jess shut her eyes to try to escape it. But it was still there. It was always there.

Whatever it is you think Lily’s done, forgive her, please.