Lily released her hands from their grip on the stone wall, took a step backward, and began to walk away. Her legs felt as though they were no longer attached to her body, seemed to be moving independently of the rest of her. Her head felt light, as though it had been emptied of everything she thought she knew about her life. Just a single thought went around in her mind: that she needed to keep going, putting one foot in front of the other, and accept the fact that she didn’t know where she was heading or where she might end up.

“Lil? Where are you going? You can’t just leave. We need to talk.”

Lily whipped her head around and looked directly into Daniel’s eyes. “I can’t just leave? You’re the one doing the leaving, Daniel. You’re the one who’s shacked up in New York with a mistress half your age. You’re the one who’s about to become a father again at nearly fifty, with no thought at all for the daughter you’ve abandoned in London. You’re pathetic, do you know that? You’re pathetic and cowardly and a total bloody cliché. So do not tell me I can’t leave. I didn’t do this. You did it. And now you don’t get to decide what happens next.”

Chapter 54

Audrey

Sitting on a bench in Central Park, overlooking the boating lake, Audrey hoped that if she surrendered to the pain in her chest it might grant her a brief respite.

Cancer was like that, she’d discovered. It turned you into someone in a permanent state of negotiation, bargaining with the intruder inside your body. Audrey would find herself offering deals to it, anticipating their rejection, proposing new terms. But cancer was an unreliable business partner, constantly making ever greater demands for less favorable returns.

Right now, all Audrey wanted was to enjoy her first afternoon in New York: to walk around a park she had seen in so many photographs and films that visiting it now gave her an uncanny sense of déjà vu.

Next to her, Jess flicked through a guidebook with unintentional impatience, wanting to see things, do things, make the most of their time. Audrey would have been like that once too. She would have wanted to cram in as much sightseeing as possible, to tick off all the major attractions and fulfill a set of objectives. Now all she wanted was to sit quietly and soak up the atmosphere.

Dotted across the lake, boats were being rowed by young couples, enthusiastic dads, groups of laughing girls. As Audrey looked out across the water, wondering if she dared risk embarking on the next stage of their walk, someone caught her eye hurrying along the path toward them. “Lily? Lily! We’re over here.”

As Lily raised her head and turned toward them, Audrey saw immediately the creased forehead, the red eyes, the pinched eyebrows. As Lily sat down on the bench next to her, Audrey could see she was trembling. “What is it? Whatever’s the matter?”