As a waiter stopped by her side and asked if he could be of any assistance, Audrey soaked up the sight of her daughters together and thought how strange it was that of all the things she had wished for on her sixteenth birthday, she had not known to include a moment like this.

She shook her head, knowing she needed to speak to Lily and Jess but feeling that theirs was a group she had not yet earned the right to join. She wanted to seek their forgiveness but was not yet ready for the possibility of rejection.

And then, just as she was contemplating going back to her room, rehearsing her apology once more and refining her explanation, giving the girls more time to accustom themselves to their own conversation before she intervened, Jess caught her eye, the two of them locking gazes for what seemed an eternity. She saw Jess turn to Lily, watched her say something, saw them both turn back to look at her in unison. She watched, her heart racing, as they stared at her. And then Lily raised a hand and beckoned her over.

For a moment Audrey’s feet refused to move, as though they weren’t yet ready to trust what her eyes were telling her. But then Lily waved again and Audrey saw on Jess’s face what she thought might have been the most tentative nod in her direction.

Walking toward them, Audrey tried to remember all the things she wanted to say. As she reached the table, both girls held out their hands to her, and as Audrey took hold of them she felt the first flicker of hope that this might be a new beginning for all of them. Because she was certain now that a person’s story didn’t follow a straight narrative trajectory from birth to death. There were countless beginnings and endings, countless opportunities to start again. There were as many different beginnings to a life as someone was brave and kind enough to allow themselves.

Part Seven

November

Chapter 67

Jess

The sound was like water gurgling down a semi-clogged drain.

Jess sat in the dim light of the bedroom, listening to her mum’s shallow, labored breaths.

Keep the room dark. Bright light will hurt her head, even behind closed eyes. That was what the nurse had said just over nine hours ago, shortly before Jess had telephoned Lily and suggested she and Phoebe come to Shepherd’s Bush right away.

Behind her, Jess heard someone sniff. She reached out, took Mia’s hand, squeezed gently. There were no words, Jess knew that. This was the moment language failed you.

Another breath rasped inside her mum’s chest, came wheezing out through the small parting of her lips: sharp and sour, like fruit left to ripen too long in a bowl.

Jess glanced across the bed to where Lily and Phoebe were sitting on the far side, Lily’s face pale and watchful as though she didn’t dare blink for fear of missing the moment they all knew to be imminent.