Audrey felt the weight of her deception pressing down on her shoulders. But then she saw the fear on Lily’s face, the disbelief on Jess’s, the shock in Phoebe’s eyes, and the tears in Mia’s, and all at once she understood that this was why she had chosen not to tell them.

Chapter 32

Jess

“What on earth was she talking about, Mum? Why didn’t you tell her she’d got it wrong? She must have had someone else’s notes. I’ll call her back.”

As Jess turned to walk out of the cubicle she heard an intake of breath behind her, a single word trailing after her.

“No.”

She looked back, saw her mum sitting up in bed, saw the expression on her face: a plea or an instruction, fear or an apology, she couldn’t tell which. Jess was aware of a pause, as though for a fraction of a moment, like the final seconds before the sun dips below the horizon, everything in the world appears to have stopped moving.

“Don’t call her back. She didn’t have the wrong notes.”

“What do you mean? What was she talking about?” Jess watched distress burrow into the lines around her mum’s eyes, into the crevices at the edges of her lips, deep into her pores until her whole face was awash with it.

“I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want it to be a burden . . .”

Her mum’s voice trailed off and even though Jess was scared of where the conversation was heading, the questions lining up in her head forced her to follow it. “You didn’t want to worry us? So all that stuff she said—about the tumors, about your blood counts—all that was right? Why on earth didn’t you tell me? Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

“I don’t know. I just thought it would be for the best. I just . . . I didn’t want to put you through it all. Please don’t be so angry, Jess.”

Jess opened her mouth and then closed it again, frustration catching in her throat.

“So what’s the prognosis? Is there anything they can do?” It was Lily’s voice, softer than Jess’s had been, but Jess kept her eyes fixed on her mum, watched her shake her head.

“Nothing beyond palliative chemo but I don’t want that, you know I don’t.”

“For God’s sake, Mum, why won’t you accept help? I didn’t understand it when you first said it months ago and I don’t understand it now. It’s like you want to die. It’s as if you don’t care what happens to you. I don’t understand why you’d reject whatever treatment’s available to you.”

“Mum, stop it. Come on, you can see Granny’s upset.”

Jess turned to where Mia was standing, so close to Phoebe as if their bodies might fuse together, and she couldn’t be sure whether the anger pulsing at her temples was directed toward her mother or her daughter. “We’re all upset, Mia.”

“I know. But flying off the handle isn’t going to help. I get why Granny doesn’t want treatment and you do too, don’t you, Phoebe?”