After a few hours with Amy I am feeling so much better. I return to the apartment positive and eager. I know I’m taking a risk but I’ve decided to tell Lucas about my secret, get it out into the open before he marries me and hope it doesn’t drastically change his opinion of me. I feared it may be a little too heavy for him to carry but now I don’t think so.

I’m pretty sure he’ll understand. He has a “live and let live” approach to most scenarios so I’m hoping his open-minded attitude can stretch this far. What I’d really love him to say is that he’d have done the same in the circumstances but I can’t expect that of him. Not everyone could have done what I did. What Faye helped me to do. But the man deserves to know one way or the other what kind of woman he’s about to marry.

When I open the door to our apartment my brave plan is immediately shelved. This is not the right time. Leonard Cohen is moaning from the speakers and the smell of hash hitting me in the face makes me close my eyes, inhale and say, to hell with it. Cohen, hash, and candlelight. There is only one thing going to happen tonight.

I sit down beside Lucas on the floor, take the smouldering bundle from his fingers and watch the city lights stream into our apartment. Lucas has heard enough crap for one day. I’m not going to add to it tonight. This is our time together. Let there be no more interruptions. Lucas puts his arm around me and pulls me closer to him. The warmth of his body against mine melts the anxiety that has been building up inside me. I have been so scared since the body was discovered, I’ve been neglecting the one sure thing in my life. Lucas gently squeezes me, letting me know he has me. He cares about me. He loves me. Emotion surges through my body. I can feel us reconnecting.

We spend half the night making love, passionate, filthy, love.

When I woke this morning I was lying on the floor in the middle of the living room, covered in a throw that Lucas must have draped over my naked body before going to bed.

The sound of the city slowly cranks into action in the background. I sense the smile on my face and feel like the woman I always wanted to feel like. With my arms stretching out I watch the blue sky brightening in the distance and then I remember: I’ve got to go to the police station later today.