‘You should try this, it’s lovely,’ he says, so I put the cheese in my bag too.

‘I’m going to miss all the treats, Dad,’ I say, looking into his eyes. For a moment we pause, looking at each other’s pain, knowing how much we will miss one another. Tears wet my eyes. I don’t want to cry, so I pull away from his stare.

‘Have you got your speech ready?’ I ask, sitting down on the nearest chair. It was hard to sit here when Mam first died. I could see her everywhere but over time it got easier. Dad owns the space now. He’s the one I see.

‘Ah, I tried, it’s hard… what do I say about your mother?’

‘Just say what you want to say, Dad, don’t make it hard on yourself. A few words.’

He closes the door of the fridge and sits on the chair opposite me. ‘I’ll do it later.’

‘You know you don’t have to mention Mam if it’s going to upset you. I can get Lucas to do it.’

My father moves his head back and looks at me like I said something illegal.

‘Sure, he never met her.’

‘I know but…’

‘No. I’ll be fine, I just never imagined she wouldn’t be with me on this day.’ Tears are beginning to twinkle in my father’s eyes, so I look away. I’m not good at that sort of stuff.

‘She often spoke about it, you know. Your wedding day. She always hoped you’d find someone who loved you dearly and who would let you be yourself.’

‘Dad, Mam will be there with us on the day.’ I’m trying to comfort him but I can see he’s getting more upset. He’s not normally like this and I can tell by the redness in his eyes that he must have been crying earlier too.

‘I tell her.’

‘Tell her what?’

‘I tell your Mam that you did find someone who loves you dearly. She should know.’

Oh Christ, I really can’t handle this now. If he starts me crying, I won’t be able to stop. ‘I miss her too, Dad. I wish she was here on my wedding day. But I’m grateful I have you to walk me down the aisle.’

My father stands up and walks over to the fridge again. He opens the door.

‘Did you try this yet?’ he says, taking out a packet of smoked salmon. ‘Take it. Lucas might like it.’