The pathologist must be finished with the body because the funeral went ahead today. It was sad to see it airing on the news on the salon TV. I was booked into Blush Beauty for a facial as part of the wedding day grooming package that my bridesmaids kindly gave me. It was presented to me at the bridal shower that Amy threw for me, amid a fanfare of cocktails and prosecco. That was a month ago, happier times. Before anyone discovered a body.

With my face covered in cream, I listen to the choir singing in the background as the family follow the coffin out of the church. Hearing the voices reminds me of Mam and I feel painfully sad. Singing was Mam’s favourite hobby and the first victim of her illness. I remember her crying when she was told she should no longer sing in the choir. They were the heaviest tears she shed throughout the whole nightmare. I think it was the start of her realization that her life was being shut down bit by bit.

The illness teased her. Mam never knew what would be next to go. There was no mercy as it slowly stripped her of her identity. Today you can walk, tomorrow you can’t. Today you can feed yourself but this time next month someone else will be holding that spoon and lifting it to your mouth. And as for using the toilet, I’ll take that too.

I shake my head. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to know how desperate it must have been for her. I like to remember my mother singing, laughing, making Halloween cookies. Dressing the Christmas tree, slagging my father off when he came home drunk on a Friday night. She was good at that, and he took it like any loving husband who was drunk should, by going to bed.

When I finish at the beautician’s I walk down the road to visit my dad. It’s only about a mile and the fresh air revives me. I need to forget about Avril Ryan and focus on what’s happening in my life. I’m getting married.

Amy is going to pick me up when I give her a call. She wants to drop off some bottles at my apartment to kick off the hen party tomorrow night. Amy, Emily, Sonya and Emer are meeting at my place first so we can get a head start before meeting the others in Brogan’s Pub. Then, hopefully, all hell will break loose.

Lucas is having his stag party tonight in some pub on the south side that I’m not familiar with. It’s near his office and they’re heading straight from work. He says he expects a good crowd will show up because it’s Friday and also because he’s using the occasion as his going away party too.