BooksBarbecue
Back Her White Lie
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Chapter One
  4. Chapter Two
  5. Chapter Three
  6. Chapter Four
  7. Chapter Five
  8. Chapter Six
  9. Chapter Seven
  10. Chapter Eight
  11. Chapter Nine
  12. Chapter Ten
  13. Chapter Eleven
  14. Chapter Twelve
  15. Chapter Thirteen
  16. Chapter Fourteen
  17. Chapter Fifteen
  18. Chapter Sixteen
  19. Chapter Seventeen
  20. Chapter Eighteen
  21. Chapter Nineteen
  22. Chapter Twenty
  23. Chapter Twenty-One
  24. Chapter Twenty-Two
  25. Chapter Twenty-Three
  26. Chapter Twenty-Four
  27. Chapter Twenty-Five
  28. Chapter Twenty-Six
  29. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  30. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  31. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  32. Chapter Thirty
  33. Chapter Thirty-One
  34. Chapter Thirty-Two
  35. Chapter Thirty-Three
  36. Chapter Thirty-Four
  37. Chapter Thirty-Five
  38. Chapter Thirty-Six
  39. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  40. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  41. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  42. Chapter Forty
  43. Chapter Forty-One
  44. Chapter Forty-Two
  45. Chapter Forty-Three
  46. Chapter Forty-Four
  47. Chapter Forty-Five
  48. Chapter Forty-Six
  49. Chapter Forty-Seven
  50. Chapter Forty-Eight
  51. Chapter Forty-Nine
  52. Chapter Fifty
  53. Chapter Fifty-One
  54. Chapter Fifty-Two
  55. Chapter Fifty-Three
  56. Chapter Fifty-Four
  57. Chapter Fifty-Five
  58. Chapter Fifty-Six
  59. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  60. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  61. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  62. Chapter Sixty
  63. Chapter Sixty-One
  64. Chapter Sixty-Two
  65. Chapter Sixty-Three
  66. Chapter Sixty-Four
  67. Chapter Sixty-Five
  68. Chapter Sixty-Six
  69. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  70. A letter from Jackie
  71. About the Author
  72. Also by Jackie Walsh

There are times I genuinely cry in a session and don’t have to fake it. Today was one of those times. I let myself replay the night my mother walked into the hospital. I was lying on a bed in A&E, my face covered in blood. The irony wasn’t lost on me when a young student doctor arrived beside the bed just like I had done the previous month. He tried to explain to my distraught mother what had happened. But how could he? I didn’t even know what had happened. Why I had driven at full speed into a tree. It’s not like I planned it. One minute I was going for a drive to clear my head, the next minute I was wrapped around a tree. I waited for Mam to ask if I was trying to kill myself. Or if it was an accident. But she never did.

I can still picture Mam standing by my bedside, the disbelief, the confusion, the pain carving a whole new expression on her face. She was wearing a navy coat with a soft pink scarf hanging around her neck. Mam never left the house without carefully brushing her hair and putting on some lipstick… but that day she did. I hate that I hurt her like that. I can be such a selfish cow at times.

I nod at Fionn and mutter a yes, while wiping my eyes. Today’s session did go well. Then I head back to my room and find Aoife lying on her bed, crying. Everyone is crying. What sort of place is this?

‘Are you okay, Aoife?’ I say, putting my hand on her head. But it’s a stupid question because if she was okay she wouldn’t be crying. She wouldn’t be in here.

Aoife lifts her head off the pillow. Her eyes are swollen; her face is red and wet. For a brief moment I want to laugh. It erupts inside me, the madness of it all, but I manage to hold it in and watch as she rubs her eyes with her fingers. I never ask her why she’s here. It’s early days for Aoife.

‘What time is it?’ she asks, sitting up on the bed.

I take my phone from the drawer in the bedside cabinet and see that it’s almost five, time for tea. Egg sandwiches and Jaffa Cakes no doubt.

I notice Tara has called again. I’ll call her back tonight when I can get a bit of privacy. Aoife usually goes to the TV room after supper.