BooksBarbecue
Back Her White Lie
Chapters (72)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Chapter One
  4. Chapter Two
  5. Chapter Three
  6. Chapter Four
  7. Chapter Five
  8. Chapter Six
  9. Chapter Seven
  10. Chapter Eight
  11. Chapter Nine
  12. Chapter Ten
  13. Chapter Eleven
  14. Chapter Twelve
  15. Chapter Thirteen
  16. Chapter Fourteen
  17. Chapter Fifteen
  18. Chapter Sixteen
  19. Chapter Seventeen
  20. Chapter Eighteen
  21. Chapter Nineteen
  22. Chapter Twenty
  23. Chapter Twenty-One
  24. Chapter Twenty-Two
  25. Chapter Twenty-Three
  26. Chapter Twenty-Four
  27. Chapter Twenty-Five
  28. Chapter Twenty-Six
  29. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  30. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  31. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  32. Chapter Thirty
  33. Chapter Thirty-One
  34. Chapter Thirty-Two
  35. Chapter Thirty-Three
  36. Chapter Thirty-Four
  37. Chapter Thirty-Five
  38. Chapter Thirty-Six
  39. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  40. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  41. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  42. Chapter Forty
  43. Chapter Forty-One
  44. Chapter Forty-Two
  45. Chapter Forty-Three
  46. Chapter Forty-Four
  47. Chapter Forty-Five
  48. Chapter Forty-Six
  49. Chapter Forty-Seven
  50. Chapter Forty-Eight
  51. Chapter Forty-Nine
  52. Chapter Fifty
  53. Chapter Fifty-One
  54. Chapter Fifty-Two
  55. Chapter Fifty-Three
  56. Chapter Fifty-Four
  57. Chapter Fifty-Five
  58. Chapter Fifty-Six
  59. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  60. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  61. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  62. Chapter Sixty
  63. Chapter Sixty-One
  64. Chapter Sixty-Two
  65. Chapter Sixty-Three
  66. Chapter Sixty-Four
  67. Chapter Sixty-Five
  68. Chapter Sixty-Six
  69. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  70. A letter from Jackie
  71. About the Author
  72. Also by Jackie Walsh

My father said nothing when he pulled up outside the clinic this morning. He just sat silently waiting for me to get out of the car. Usually he utters a few words before I go through the big blue door.

He’s fed up with me, I can tell. Fed up with the endless lies, the manipulative stories. He was so disappointed when he found out I was drinking at the weekend.

The stress was written all over his face – his skin greyer, the lines on his forehead thicker. His eyes did their best not to meet mine as he looked from the side mirror to the rearview mirror, feigning concern he might be blocking someone behind us.

It was hard to watch him like this. Like he had given up all hope and was now just going through the motions until it all ended, wherever it was going to end. Good or bad, it was clear he was losing the will to care.

I wanted to tell him I felt different now. Something had happened, a breakthrough he might call it. A correction of sorts. I had been mistaken about the world I was living in. I had been lied to, given false information that pushed me down a slippery slope, where I glided through muck, clung to roots, slipping time and time again.

My father glanced briefly at me before turning his head away again. Dad looked like he was about to cry and just wanted me out of the car. I felt awful. It was my fault. Me and my selfish ‘poor fucking me’ ways. I had to fix this.

‘Dad,’ I said, disturbing the awkward silence. The word reverberated around the car like we were in a big hollow space. My father turned to look at me. I stared at his sad eyes for a moment, then leaned in to kiss his cheek.

‘It’s going to be okay, Dad,’ I said, then jumped out of the car before he had time to reply.

I walk through the doors of the clinic. Waving good morning to Anna behind the reception desk I continue on down to my room at the end of the corridor. Aoife is in her bed when I get there. The poor girl has only been here for two weeks so she’s still in shock. Before that, Joanne was my roommate. She did really well and was released after only two months of therapy. I haven’t heard from her since she left, which is a bit disappointing because we really did hit it off.