It’s a shame really, because I was all fired up to tell him the stuff I’d been thinking about since we last had a visit, you know, about my ma, and maybe even a bit about BJ, but when I saw he wasn’t with me I backed off.

After he’d gone, I wrote my shit down so he can see it the next time he comes, if he’s interested. Maybe he’s sick of me, thinks I’m not worth his time anymore. Screw him, if he does, he won’t be the first to bail on me and he won’t be the last.

He’s kind of stuck in my head though, and I can’t stop myself wondering what was menacing him today. It bothers me to think he’s not in a good place. Not that I can do anything about it, I’m just saying, is all.

It could be some woman is giving him issues. (I like that he’s going to read this before you and find out I’ve been sussing him this way.) I bet he does have a woman, someone hot and sassy who knows how to treat a bloke.

I’ve noticed he wears a wedding ring so it could be that wifey’s cheating on him. Or he’s cheating on her. Either way doesn’t make for a good situation and I can’t help feeling for the guy. I know what it’s like to have troubles with the girls. I might only be nineteen, but I’m no girvin (that’s an anagram so I expect you can work it out). I lost mine when I was fourteen to one of the chicks who hangs out under the railway bridge. Got no idea where she is now, might even be dead, although I’d probably have heard if she was.

I don’t go in for actual girlfriends, you know, the type you date on a regular basis. Too much hassle, especially in my line of work when I have to be away a lot of the time. Tbh I get more of it when I’m making deliveries than I ever do at home. Some of the PCs’ wives are more than keen to show their gratitude, know what I’m saying? (Bet Dan takes that bit out.) But it’s true, they are. You just don’t want the other half catching you, is all. He’ll contact the top dudes, you know, the bosses who run us mules, and let me tell you there’s no good outcome there. Luckily it’s never happened to me. A mate of mine walks with a permanent limp after he got caught and the injury isn’t in either of his legs.