I don’t think Dan saw right away how much it tore me up when he delivered his news because he just goes on talking about other stuff until he realizes I’m not properly taking it in.

He bangs the table to get my attention, and starts over again.

It takes me a while to get what he’s saying, because it feels like he’s making it up, or I’m just hearing stuff I want to hear so I don’t have to handle the truth. “She’s not going to write you a letter, Archie, instead she wants to see you.”

I feel totally blown away by that, and so close to a proper blub that I have to hide my face in my hands. I really didn’t expect that, honest I didn’t, and there’s no way I’m going to turn it down. I wouldn’t do that to you even though I’m already scared s***less.

SuperDan then starts going on about how it’s going to work, but I’m asking myself what it might have been about my letters that made you want to see me. It would be helpful to know that, because if I said something right I can be sure of doing it again. Dan says he doesn’t know, because you haven’t discussed it with anyone. You just told him you want to see me and that surprised him, he said, because he hadn’t expected it to happen that soon. He wasn’t sure it would happen at all, but now it’s going to, although no one knows where or when yet.

So here I am writing to you again and this time I’m going to try and say at least some of the stuff I know Dan wants me to. It’s not like I don’t feel it, honest, it’s just I’m not used to expressing myself in a way that would lose me a lot of cred if anyone of my kind heard it. I think even my ma would have a turn if she got to read this letter, and she don’t need any more turns, that’s for sure. It would set her off crying again, like everything to do with me does—did I already tell you it’s how we spend most of her visits? I’m glad she comes though so I can see she’s all right and she seems to be, so far. Fliss at the caff has taken her on again, and now she has a few bob for petrol, she can drive our old banger up here and back. ’Course I worry about her on the roads, she’s a crap driver and handy with the horn, but that’s my ma for you, crazy and sad and kind of indestructible.