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Back Forgive Me Save as PDF
Chapters (65)
  1. Cover
  2. Prologue
  3. Chapter One
  4. Chapter Two
  5. Chapter Three
  6. Chapter Four
  7. Chapter Five
  8. Chapter Six
  9. Chapter Seven
  10. Chapter Eight
  11. Chapter Nine
  12. Chapter Ten
  13. Chapter Eleven
  14. Chapter Twelve
  15. Chapter Thirteen
  16. Chapter Fourteen
  17. Chapter Fifteen
  18. Chapter Sixteen
  19. Chapter Seventeen
  20. Chapter Eighteen
  21. Chapter Nineteen
  22. Chapter Twenty
  23. Chapter Twenty-One
  24. Chapter Twenty-Two
  25. Chapter Twenty-Three
  26. Chapter Twenty-Four
  27. Chapter Twenty-Five
  28. Chapter Twenty-Six
  29. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  30. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  31. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  32. Chapter Thirty
  33. Chapter Thirty-One
  34. Chapter Thirty-Two
  35. Chapter Thirty-Three
  36. Chapter Thirty-Four
  37. Chapter Thirty-Five
  38. Chapter Thirty-Six
  39. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  40. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  41. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  42. Chapter Forty
  43. Chapter Forty-One
  44. Chapter Forty-Two
  45. Chapter Forty-Three
  46. Chapter Forty-Four
  47. Chapter Forty-Five
  48. Chapter Forty-Six
  49. Chapter Forty-Seven
  50. Chapter Forty-Eight
  51. Chapter Forty-Nine
  52. Chapter Fifty
  53. Chapter Fifty-One
  54. Chapter Fifty-Two
  55. Chapter Fifty-Three
  56. Chapter Fifty-Four
  57. Chapter Fifty-Five
  58. Acknowledgments
  59. P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . .*
  60. About the Author
  61. About the Book
  62. Read On
  63. Praise for Susan Lewis and Her Books
  64. Also by Susan Lewis
  65. About the Publisher

I don’t see him for another week, but in that time a different brief turns up to chew things through with me, a woman this time, who puts on a good show of being interested and has some encouraging things to say, although I know what’s really going on. She’s chasing her legal aid fee, just doing it with a better attitude than the other one. I definitely qualify for legal aid, by the way, because neither me nor my ma are over the earning threshold, not even combined, which is a good thing, because I wouldn’t want to think of how many life sentences I might get if I had to stand up there and defend myself.

A few days later I get a second visit from SuperDan.

This time we talk about all kinds of different stuff, like he’s trying to get inside my head and find something buried deep that’s not there. I don’t suppose I mind, he’s not the kind of bloke you feel bothered about knowing your shit, or some of it anyway.

I’m not sure how many times he comes before he first brings up the subject of me writing to you, probably two or three, but I do know that when he said it I told him he was off his head, it was never going to happen. I mean, if I start blurting out stuff like sorry and regret, then it would be like me telling everyone I’m guilty. (OK, I am, of arson, but I think you get my drift.)

He just sits there and looks at me like he’s waiting for me to morph into the person he wants me to be, and I look at him like he’s a knob, because he is. But he’s also Dan, so I end up saying I’ll give it a go, and then he’ll see that it’s a menstrual period, which is a way of saying a waste of time.

It was that at first, a mega lost cause, mainly because I’d never written anything down before, I mean outside of lessons at school. Texts were my thing, and maybe the odd phone call or IM, not pen and paper. He tells me just to write the words the way I speak, so that’s what I do, trying not to cuss and swear too much, but he says not to worry about that. If it’s really bad he’ll get me to explain what I mean in another way, and if he thinks some of my language is obscure—his word—he’ll get me to explain that too.