Chapters (79)
- COVER
- About the Author
- Also by Jo Thomas
- DEDICATION
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- SIXTY-ONE
- SIXTY-TWO
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- RECIPES
- Lavender shortbread
- Apricot jam sponge cake
- Lavender lamb
- READ MORE
- Prologue
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING
‘Fabien!’ I call, as I hurry up the road to the brocante, hot, out of breath and terrified something dreadful has happened to Stephanie, a young woman who thinks she has failed at everything in life, and who has been rejected by everyone she ever cared about, her mother, Fabien and now JB. I try to think back to when I was that age. Seventeen and foolish. I can’t say I’m particularly sensible now. I’ve separated from my husband to live in an empty house and am scraping a living selling lavender bakes and desserts. Plus I’ve taken in a vulnerable girl with her child because I couldn’t leave her where she was. Now I’ve made her life a thousand times worse. However, although I may not be any more sensible now than I was at seventeen, I have learned to take account of my gut feelings. And right now they’re telling me to find Stephanie – fast.
Fabien is with a young woman, about his age, who is looking at a damaged but beautiful dappled-grey rocking horse. He turns to me, his eyebrows raised in surprise. Tomas cheers, delighted to see him.
‘Fabien! I need your help,’ I say quickly. ‘It’s Stephanie!’
He excuses himself from the customer, who looks miffed, and hurries over to us. He grasps Tomas’s outstretched hand, and kisses it. My heart somersaults and breaks a little more. Why couldn’t JB have felt like this? If he had, maybe Stephanie wouldn’t have run away and Tomas would still be with his mum. She is all he needs. One good parent is better than no parent, as I know.
‘She’s disappeared,’ I say quickly.
‘Disparu.’ Lou finds some school French and clearly thinks I need help explaining.
‘Leaving Tomas!’ Rhi joins in.
‘I’m really worried about her,’ I tell Fabien, gazing into his green eyes and knowing he understands without my having to say any more.
‘She left a note,’ Rhi is still explaining.
‘She thinks she can’t offer Tomas anything, that he’s better off without her.’
I am racked with guilt. I only wanted to help – and now I’ve forced a young mum to do the worst imaginable thing and walk away from her son, because she thinks she’s worthless. Tears slide down my cheeks. I heard somewhere you cry different tears for different types of sadness. These aren’t the same as the ones I wept on the night I spent in the house after Ollie left: they were for my failure, as a wife and mother. These tears are of sadness, loss and grief, like the ones I cried when Mum died, just months ago. I feel helpless, lost and utterly wretched.