BooksBarbecue
Back Escape to the French Farmhouse
Chapters (79)
  1. COVER
  2. About the Author
  3. Also by Jo Thomas
  4. DEDICATION
  5. ONE
  6. TWO
  7. THREE
  8. FOUR
  9. FIVE
  10. SIX
  11. SEVEN
  12. EIGHT
  13. NINE
  14. TEN
  15. ELEVEN
  16. TWELVE
  17. THIRTEEN
  18. FOURTEEN
  19. FIFTEEN
  20. SIXTEEN
  21. SEVENTEEN
  22. EIGHTEEN
  23. NINETEEN
  24. TWENTY
  25. TWENTY-ONE
  26. TWENTY-TWO
  27. TWENTY-THREE
  28. TWENTY-FOUR
  29. TWENTY-FIVE
  30. TWENTY-SIX
  31. TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. TWENTY-NINE
  34. THIRTY
  35. THIRTY-ONE
  36. THIRTY-TWO
  37. THIRTY-THREE
  38. THIRTY-FOUR
  39. THIRTY-FIVE
  40. THIRTY-SIX
  41. THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. THIRTY-NINE
  44. FORTY
  45. FORTY-ONE
  46. FORTY-TWO
  47. FORTY-THREE
  48. FORTY-FOUR
  49. FORTY-FIVE
  50. FORTY-SIX
  51. FORTY-SEVEN
  52. FORTY-EIGHT
  53. FORTY-NINE
  54. FIFTY
  55. FIFTY-ONE
  56. FIFTY-TWO
  57. FIFTY-THREE
  58. FIFTY-FOUR
  59. FIFTY-FIVE
  60. FIFTY-SIX
  61. FIFTY-SEVEN
  62. FIFTY-EIGHT
  63. FIFTY-NINE
  64. SIXTY
  65. SIXTY-ONE
  66. SIXTY-TWO
  67. Epilogue
  68. Acknowledgements
  69. RECIPES
  70. Lavender shortbread
  71. Apricot jam sponge cake
  72. Lavender lamb
  73. READ MORE
  74. Prologue
  75. ONE
  76. TWO
  77. THREE
  78. FOUR
  79. THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING

I take a very deep breath. I have to tell him all of it, me, Ollie, the failed IVF, all of it.

‘Fabien, I loved last night.’

‘Me too.’ He moves closer to me, tucking a stray curl behind my ear. ‘And I’m hoping to do it all over again tonight.’ He smiles and my knees nearly give way. I put up a hand to his chest, feeling its firmness. He frowns.

‘But …’

‘But?’ He cocks his head again, his black curls tumbling this way and that. ‘There’s a but?’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, to give me the courage to say everything I have to say.

‘I can’t see you any more, Fabien,’ I say, with my eyes still shut. It’s easier if I can’t see his face.

‘What? Why not? I thought we—’

‘Yes, I do, we do, but there’s things I need to explain about my marriage.’ I open my eyes. ‘I can’t see you any more because … phfffff! Fabien, I am ten years older than you.’

‘That doesn’t matter to me. Why would it?’ He laughs, trying to dismiss my worries.

‘Because …’ every bit of me wants to fall into his arms but I know I can’t ‘… because that will never change. I had my chance at having a family and I know that that time is over for me now. I realize I can be happy just being me. But …’

‘It doesn’t matter to me either!’ he protests.

‘No. It does. I know it does. Carine told me. She told me the one thing you have always wanted is a family. I can’t give that to you. It wouldn’t be fair to ask you to give it up for me. I can’t let you.’ Tears now fill my eyes and are spilling down my cheeks.

‘Del, please, listen,’ he says.

I can’t see his face now, but I can hear the crack in his voice. ‘No, Fabien. I can’t. I can’t be who you want me to be. I can’t be with you. That’s it!’

‘But—’

Suddenly there’s a shout.

‘Del! Del!’ It’s Stephanie. My eyes ping wide open but my vision is blurred with tears. ‘Del! Quick!’

I don’t need telling twice. I turn from Fabien and stumble back to the clearing, images of Henri and the blue lights racing through my head. Fabien is hot on my heels. I can hear his footsteps, hear his breath right behind me as we run to the clearing.

FORTY-NINE

‘It’s gone!’ Stephanie is pointing to the empty shelf by the serving hatch. Tomas, who had fallen asleep in JB’s lap, is awake again and crying. Fabien and I both slow to a standstill, him right next to me. I can smell his leather jacket, feel the heat from his body, wanting him more than anything.