Chapters (79)
- COVER
- About the Author
- Also by Jo Thomas
- DEDICATION
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- FIVE
- SIX
- SEVEN
- EIGHT
- NINE
- TEN
- ELEVEN
- TWELVE
- THIRTEEN
- FOURTEEN
- FIFTEEN
- SIXTEEN
- SEVENTEEN
- EIGHTEEN
- NINETEEN
- TWENTY
- TWENTY-ONE
- TWENTY-TWO
- TWENTY-THREE
- TWENTY-FOUR
- TWENTY-FIVE
- TWENTY-SIX
- TWENTY-SEVEN
- TWENTY-EIGHT
- TWENTY-NINE
- THIRTY
- THIRTY-ONE
- THIRTY-TWO
- THIRTY-THREE
- THIRTY-FOUR
- THIRTY-FIVE
- THIRTY-SIX
- THIRTY-SEVEN
- THIRTY-EIGHT
- THIRTY-NINE
- FORTY
- FORTY-ONE
- FORTY-TWO
- FORTY-THREE
- FORTY-FOUR
- FORTY-FIVE
- FORTY-SIX
- FORTY-SEVEN
- FORTY-EIGHT
- FORTY-NINE
- FIFTY
- FIFTY-ONE
- FIFTY-TWO
- FIFTY-THREE
- FIFTY-FOUR
- FIFTY-FIVE
- FIFTY-SIX
- FIFTY-SEVEN
- FIFTY-EIGHT
- FIFTY-NINE
- SIXTY
- SIXTY-ONE
- SIXTY-TWO
- Epilogue
- Acknowledgements
- RECIPES
- Lavender shortbread
- Apricot jam sponge cake
- Lavender lamb
- READ MORE
- Prologue
- ONE
- TWO
- THREE
- FOUR
- THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING
I watch Ollie talking urgently into the phone, leaving the packing to the people he’s employed and me. I watch him, but he doesn’t notice me. I turn back to help the removers. There’s no let-up in the mistral, making the job twice as hard, the shutters and doors creaking, whining and banging. But, in what feels like no time at all, Mr Broderick and Lexie have the truck packed. They’ve done it. My entire life is inside it, ready to go home.
Home. That word again. Back to where we started. Back to where the cracks first appeared, after the failed IVF attempts, Ollie’s redundancy and then my mum dying. What exactly is left of our home together? What exactly is left of us? I take a final look around the empty house to make sure we’ve left nothing behind. I take a forgotten photograph off the wall on the staircase. The only one that made it on to an existing nail. When Ollie tried to put in others, the walls cracked some more. It’s a wedding picture, with all the hopes and dreams from before the cracks happened and couldn’t be filled. All that’s left is me, this picture and Ralph, now sitting at my feet, panting and exhausted by all the excitement.
‘Right! All set?’ Ollie is standing in the doorway, finally off his phone. ‘Think we’re all sorted,’ he says. ‘We’ve got a couple of houses to see when we get back. They’re nothing special but it’s a start.’ He goes back to trying to text from his phone.
A start. Another new start. Starting over. The house I left was special. I loved it. I thought it was going to be our family home for ever. Just like I loved my job. Now we’re going back to our old lives, without the house I loved, or the job I was good at. Now we’re going back to the start. And if I was starting over, would I do it with Ollie, knowing what I know now? Is this a fresh start – the words have formed in my head before I know it – or is it the end? Suddenly I feel a sense of calm, of stillness, of absolute clarity among the chaos of the day.
I look at him and say exactly what I’m thinking.
‘I’m not coming, Ollie.’
TWO
‘What?’ He looks up from his phone as if he’s misheard me.