Chapters (57)
- Cover
- Doctor Aphra
- DRAMATIS PERSONAE
- SCENE 1
- SCENE 2
- SCENE 3
- SCENE 4
- SCENE 5
- SCENE 6
- SCENE 7
- SCENE 8
- SCENE 9
- SCENE 10
- SCENE 11
- SCENE 12
- SCENE 13
- SCENE 14
- SCENE 15
- SCENE 16
- SCENE 17
- SCENE 18
- SCENE 19
- SCENE 20
- SCENE 21
- SCENE 22
- SCENE 23
- SCENE 24
- SCENE 25
- SCENE 26
- SCENE 27
- SCENE 28
- SCENE 29
- SCENE 30
- SCENE 31
- SCENE 32
- SCENE 33
- SCENE 34
- SCENE 35
- SCENE 36
- SCENE 37
- SCENE 38
- SCENE 39
- SCENE 40
- SCENE 41
- SCENE 42
- SCENE 43
- SCENE 44
- SCENE 45
- SCENE 46
- SCENE 47
- SCENE 48
- SCENE 49
- SCENE 50
- SCENE 51
- SCENE 52
- SCENE 53
- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
We’re not leaving. And I barely trust you with a rifle, Doctor, let alone anything bigger. Next cell block, ladies. Move.
SANA STARROS:
I am so gonna kill you before this is through, Aphra.
APHRA:
I’ve missed you, too, sweetie.
SCENE 45
INT. CORRIDOR. SUNSPOT PRISON. MOMENTS LATER.
APHRA (narration):
As it turned out, pretty much everyone in every cell block was dead. So we made a break for the prison’s command center, the dead bodies of prisoners littering every cell block. And the mysterious intruder—the one Sana had called a “madman”—made his presence known, his voice echoing over the prison comm system…
ENEB RAY (on comm):
You’re losing this battle, Princess. Which is why you’re going to lose the war.
I will lead the way.
I am what you made me, Princess. I am a true soldier of the Alliance.
I am exactly what the galaxy needs.
APHRA:
Well, that sounds bad. Who is this guy, Princess?
PRINCESS LEIA:
I don’t know.
APHRA:
Wow. The Rebellion is in even worse shape than I thought.
APHRA (narration):
We rounded the corner to the command center—which, naturally, was being guarded by a whole mess of pissed-off droids.
The droids open fire. Aphra, Sana, and Leia fire back.
SANA STARROS:
We’ll never get those doors open! This was a terrible plan!
APHRA:
There was a plan?
PRINCESS LEIA:
Just keep shooting!
APHRA:
My kind of plan!
SANA STARROS:
Just one last droid, but he’s got us pinned down!
APHRA:
Last droid? That’s not the last droid!
APHRA (narration):
It sure wasn’t! Because right then, my glorious IG-RM droid, the one I’d been trying to rewire while Sana was busy getting strangled, clomped down the hall and marched straight up to that last droid guarding the control room doors…
SANA STARROS:
Uh-oh.
APHRA:
See? I told you I was rewiring it.
APHRA (narration):
The droid guarding the door tried to have a special bonding moment with my IG-RM—
GUARD DROID:
WWWWRZZZTTT!
APHRA (narration):
But my IG-RM was way more special. And he didn’t want to bond. He blasted that inferior guard droid…and me, Sana, and the princess stormed the command center!
PRINCESS LEIA:
Nobody move!
SANA STARROS:
Move once, you won’t be moving again.
APHRA:
Hi. I’m not a rebel, but I’ll still shoot you.
APHRA (narration):
It was not quite the badass scene we’d imagined. Skywalker’s annoying droids—the Triple-Zero and Beetee doppelgängers—were hanging out amongst more dead bodies.
C-3PO:
Ahh, help! I’m fighting for my life!
R2-D2:
BUDDA BUDDA THWRRK!
PRINCESS LEIA:
Artoo, plug in and take control of the prison!
APHRA:
Well, don’t all thank me at once.
SANA STARROS:
Oh, I’ll thank you all right. Right after I shoot that IG-RM thing in the face. Move aside, Doc.
APHRA: