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Chapters (57)
  1. Cover
  2. Doctor Aphra
  3. DRAMATIS PERSONAE
  4. SCENE 1
  5. SCENE 2
  6. SCENE 3
  7. SCENE 4
  8. SCENE 5
  9. SCENE 6
  10. SCENE 7
  11. SCENE 8
  12. SCENE 9
  13. SCENE 10
  14. SCENE 11
  15. SCENE 12
  16. SCENE 13
  17. SCENE 14
  18. SCENE 15
  19. SCENE 16
  20. SCENE 17
  21. SCENE 18
  22. SCENE 19
  23. SCENE 20
  24. SCENE 21
  25. SCENE 22
  26. SCENE 23
  27. SCENE 24
  28. SCENE 25
  29. SCENE 26
  30. SCENE 27
  31. SCENE 28
  32. SCENE 29
  33. SCENE 30
  34. SCENE 31
  35. SCENE 32
  36. SCENE 33
  37. SCENE 34
  38. SCENE 35
  39. SCENE 36
  40. SCENE 37
  41. SCENE 38
  42. SCENE 39
  43. SCENE 40
  44. SCENE 41
  45. SCENE 42
  46. SCENE 43
  47. SCENE 44
  48. SCENE 45
  49. SCENE 46
  50. SCENE 47
  51. SCENE 48
  52. SCENE 49
  53. SCENE 50
  54. SCENE 51
  55. SCENE 52
  56. SCENE 53
  57. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

Good. Please return. There is much to discuss.

DARTH VADER (on comm):

Yes, Master.

APHRA (narration):

Remember how impressed I was with Darth Vader’s dramatic entrance into my life? Once I was sure I’d heard his comm disconnect…I made mine.

APHRA:

There is much to discuss, your Emperor Highness Master Sir!

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

Who dares intrude into my private chambers?

APHRA:

I’m Doctor Aphra. Sorry, didn’t mean to break in. Did you know the triple lock on your door is really easy to disengage? Probably want to get that looked at.

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

Such insolence! I don’t know what you think you’re going to accomplish—

APHRA:

We’ve got a mutual friend. I’ve got things you need to know.

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

I am quite certain we have nothing in common.

APHRA:

You’d be surprised, your majesticness. So let me tell you a little story about my best friend and yours…Darth Vader.

[beat]

That’s your cue to act all shocked. Hold on, I probably didn’t do it right, let me say that again, with extra drama: Darth—

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

I’m listening. I suggest you take advantage of this opportunity.

APHRA:

Ahhh, opportunity. One of my favorite words.

See, Darth Vader also presented me with an opportunity. To become his super-secret attaché. We had so much fun. Built a secret droid army, robbed the Empire, and killed a bunch of people. All in the name of building Vader’s power once more!

And we did it all…behind your back.

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

This is a very…interesting tale. But obviously a lie. Vader would never betray me so…so blatantly.

APHRA:

Oh, but he would, your all-powerfulness. I mean. Think about it. He’s Darth Vader. He never does anything halfway. And you probably taught him how to execute all this stealthy trickery so…masterfully.

The apprentice has become—

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

You will regret finishing that sentence.

APHRA:

Riiiiiight. Sorry, sometimes I just get really excited when I’m telling a good story.

Anywaaaaaay, given my up close and personal access to Vader’s recent secret exploits…I thought maybe I could share some of the finer details with you. I know a lot.

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

Mmm. Perhaps you could. Continue.

APHRA:

Awww, Mr. Emperor, sir. I feel like we’re about to become very good friends.

SCENE 52

INT. EMPEROR’S CHAMBERS. THE EXECUTOR. LATER.

APHRA (narration):

Much later, Vader entered ol’ Palpy’s chamber. By then, Palpy and I were the best of friends…

DARTH VADER:

My task is complete, the Executor is secured. Is there anything else you require, my Master?

EMPEROR PALPATINE:

I was hoping for a full report…but your aide has been most helpful in filling in the gaps.

DARTH VADER:

Aide…?

APHRA:

Why did you never introduce me to your boss, boss? The Emperor’s one hell of a guy.

EMPEROR PALPATINE: