Chapters (57)
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- Doctor Aphra
- DRAMATIS PERSONAE
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- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I mean. To the outside observer, I don’t think I looked desperate. I’ve learned how not to look desperate. How not to be weak.
But since I know myself exceptionally well, I could see it.
Anyway, the whole lightsaber thing…if this exciting life of mine was going to end…I know it might sound like I was choosing efficiency over epicness. And normally I’d choose the most epic thing every time.
But whenever I imagined being ejected into space, the cold and the dark…the sheer terror of confronting this big old universe without the comforting hum of a ship around me, that mechanical language whispering my name…
I knew I’d be scared in a way I’d never been scared before. And I couldn’t have that. I couldn’t be weak that way.
Weakness—as you know better than anyone—is the one thing I can never show. Even to the Void. I think that’s why I’ve gotten so good at finding it in others.
A lightsaber through the neck wouldn’t give me time to be weak. It would just happen.
Choppity-chop, we’re done.
But…I was also kind of hoping, even at this early stage of our partnership, that Vader had already seen how valuable I could be. That I’d started to prove the potential he’d sensed in me existed, and I was ready to surpass his expectations—really blow ’em out of the water.
I turned away from his mask, from my reflection—from my desperate eyes, trying so hard to believe, just this once…that I’d found something real. Something that would give me everything I wanted. If only I could crack his armor and break through—without breaking myself.
SCENE 9
INT. UNIVERSITY OF BAR’LETH LIBRARY. DAY. FLASHBACK.
APHRA (narration):
Anywaaaaaay…sorry, why am I getting all angsty? That is so not me.
Triple-Zero got what he needed out of Vader’s new prisoner, the location of some sort of secret research base, which ended up being our next destination. The Dark Lord boarded this big ol’ bad-guy ship with his newly generated droid army to…well, to be honest, I’m not actually sure what all he was up to, but I guess it involved Emperor Palpatine training a bunch of losers who were meant to be Vader’s successors.
As someone who was currently sucking up all the Vader-related info I could so I’d know how to best manipulate him, I could’ve told ol’ Palpy this was a bad idea.
And I really wanted to tell the Dark Lord I understood what he was going through. Like I said before, no one in my life has ever really seen me—and the beautiful rainbow of skills I’m capable of. I suppose some would argue that I’m always moving too fast and too, uh, tornado-like?
For them to be able to see me.