Chapters (57)
- Cover
- Doctor Aphra
- DRAMATIS PERSONAE
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- ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Imagine if one of these laser things did, like, vivisect me, though. That would at least be an exciting way to go, right? Maybe Sava Toob-Nix’s new students would read about me in one of their boring academic texts!
[affects a pretentious, professorial-type voice]
And that was the last adventure for legendary archaeologist Doctor Chelli Lona Aphra, who we don’t even really need to name since you all know who she is already! She overcame a hardscrabble, boring-as-dirt past to become one of the galaxy’s leading experts on highly sought-after artifacts, dodged death oh-so-many times…and was finally murdered by a rogue laser beam when she belly-crawled just a little too far to the left—
[normal voice]
Hmm. Actually, that doesn’t sound very impressive, does it?
I know you were probably hoping this was the moment I died for real, which would make our story very short. And everyone who wants me dead would be able to celebrate.
I…think it’d be a pretty big celebration.
Sorry, intrepid space enemies, no such luck. Mr. Stealthy made sure I avoided all those pesky lasers, and I finally reached the creepy glowing-eye safe, my hand clapping against one of those boring gray walls with relief.
A few more milliseconds and I got the safe open…
The safe pops open, revealing the Triple-Zero Matrix hidden inside—
a small control panel of twisting wires and glowing lights.
APHRA (narration):
And there it was. The thing I’d come for. The climax of my totally brilliant plan that was totally going to make me a whole lot of money.
A glorious tiny control pad of lights and wires containing one of the most dangerous things in the entire galaxy.
APHRA:
Well, hello, Triple-Zero Personality Matrix. You are looking delightful this evening.
APHRA (narration):
The Triple-Zero Matrix was another thing that just spoke to me. As I disconnected it from its cold, soulless prison, I swore I felt it perk up—
its lights flashed more insistently, its constant hum of power grew more vigorous. It knew that wherever it was going had to be more exciting than a musty old vault.
I took a moment to gaze at it, admiration swelling in my chest: This tiny rectangle of crossed wires probably wouldn’t look impressive to anyone else.
But I knew: I was holding the most dangerous thing in the galaxy.
Now I had to get out of this sad, silent quarantine world. And then it was time for one of my favorite parts: getting paid.
Same drill as before, only in reverse. Slide to the floor, belly-crawl, avoid those triggers…
APHRA:
Careful…careful…Keep your head down and your elbows in…Don’t bump the laser, don’t end up a footnote in a musty academic text…
Aphra’s elbow bumps one of the triggers, setting off a loud alarm.
APHRA:
Oh, son of a… Traitorous elbow! How dare you!
Lasers shoot at Aphra, and the alarm gets even louder.