Oh, you definitely shouldn’t! But as I see it, if you don’t tell me…well, the reverse of either of the scenarios I just described ends with you dead, on the run, or at the very least…on Darth Vader’s bad side.

Let me just say: We don’t know each other super well, but I don’t want that for you!

BOBA FETT (on comm):

Very well. But if you cross me, things will end badly for you as well.

APHRA:

Understood. Give up the goods, Boba Man!

BOBA FETT (on comm):

Fett. Boba Fett. All I have is a name. The boy’s name is…

APHRA (narration):

Whoa, time to cue the dramatic music! This reveal was gonna be big…

Dramatic music swells…

BOBA FETT (on comm):

Skywalker.

The dramatic music abruptly cuts off.

APHRA:

Who?

BOBA FETT (on comm):

You…said you knew this already…

APHRA:

Yeah, yeah, I do…I mean. I think I do. I might have been thinking of some other boy, remind me why Vader’s so hot for this one, again?

BOBA FETT (on comm):

I will wait until I can speak to Darth Vader myself…

APHRA:

Please! Otherwise I won’t pass on your message at all, I’ll erase any evidence you ever contacted the ship, and I’ll tell my lord that Boba Fett is spreading rumors all over the galaxy that Darth Vader is a big scaredy-cat who—

BOBA FETT (on comm):

He’s the boy who destroyed the Death Star.

APHRA (narration):

A-ha! Now I was really getting somewhere. Grabbing on to every new tidbit of information. Every opportunity.

Of course, I wasn’t entirely sure what all this meant yet. My best strategy for now was to go ahead and do what I’d promised—invite Boba Man on board our ship and let him deliver the information to Vader himself. I already knew Vader well enough to know he wouldn’t…appreciate this kind of initiative, me weaseling out info he clearly wanted to keep private.

But it would be useful to me later, I could feel it. Maybe Vader would even come to trust me enough that he’d confide in me himself.

So. Vader was after the boy who destroyed the Death Star. I suppose that made sense. I mean, what the hell, you work for years on all of your Force magic stuff, you ascend the ranks to become the ultimate Dark Lord of the galaxy, and then some rebel pilot asshole swoops in and blows up your greatest achievement yet. I’d be upset, too!

As I pondered that further, I realized Vader had actually been gone for a while. I tried contacting him, no dice.

So I gathered all those weapons I’d just lovingly tested out and prepared to mount a rescue mission…only to have the Dark Lord return in a huff.

APHRA:

What happened? I was tooling up to come in after you and—