Ah, better not shake hands, then, Mistress Aphra. May route a fatal shock through my palm. Old habits die hard and all that. And in my experience, they certainly die harder than most organics, ma’am.

As there’s no one here to murder, presently, how may I be of assistance?

APHRA:

Awww, all this murder talk. You really know how to charm a girl—a girl who happens to be a blood-filled sack of flesh. I actually have a non-murder task for you. In fact, it involves the opposite: I need you to bring something to life.

Here we go…

Aphra pulls out a blastomech droid.

APHRA (narration):

Yeah, so I had a little project for my new friend Trip in the form of a “blastomech” droid prototype—how did I liberate such a rare and destructive thing, you ask? You thought blastomechs were a myth, you say? Well, that’s another story…

The recording goes fuzzy.

APHRA (narration):

Hmm, never mind. Recording: Delete that last part. Some great adventures are best left mysterious. Also, dear listener, I don’t trust you to not immediately turn this recording over to certain annoying authorities and there are things about that particular great adventure they definitely don’t need to know.

Anyway, I love blastomechs because they’re so cute—squat, domed, rolling around on their little wheels. They look like astro mechs. But when you really get to know them…well, they pack a major punch.

Maybe I feel a kinship with them. Some people have also described me as “cute.”

They have no idea.

APHRA:

Here’s your first official task for your new master, Triple-Zero. I need you to tell this boy to wake up.

TRIPLE-ZERO:

All this effort for a simple astromech?

APHRA:

Not exactly. This is BT-1, a blastomech prototype. Does enough to pass as an astro. But it’s primarily a cover. It’s a specialized assassin droid.

Sadly, it’s entirely homicidal.

TRIPLE-ZERO:

Is sadly really the word we’re looking for here, Mistress Aphra? That sounds like a highly desirable quality to me!

APHRA:

Hmm. I guess it all depends on your perspective, Trip!

DARTH VADER:

My patience is wearing thin, Doctor.

APHRA:

Right. Sorry, your lordliness: This li’l old blastomech wiped out its Tarkin Initiative base before setting the place to self-destruct and jettisoning itself into space.

TRIPLE-ZERO:

A true warrior…

APHRA:

I’m already appreciating your unique take on things, Triple-Zero.

I…um, found it, fitted it with some stronger behavioral inhibitors, but can’t get it to wake up. Its core identity only speaks the R&D language of the base—

DARTH VADER:

And the base is no more.

APHRA:

Exactly, sir. But Trip, here—I think he can fix this boy right up for me.

Er, for us.

TRIPLE-ZERO: