That was the only thing he cared about—the only thing he’d ever care about.

I was right all along—the kid was the crack in Vader’s armor. The key to unlocking his weakness.

I figured if I betrayed Vader to the Emperor…well, I didn’t totally know the outcome, but I was pretty sure one of two things would happen. Either the Emperor would take me on as his new attaché and send Vader out the air lock—or he’d finally truly see Vader for the boss he is. And then Vader would send me out the air lock.

Which I was totally ready for.

I stuffed my jacket full of Black Krrsantan’s ingots from the Son-tuul Pride robbery—the better to protect my fragile organic body as it plummeted through space—and then asked Santy to use the same satellite/retrieval technique we’d used during the robbery to bring me on board his ship.

So…why didn’t I tell the Emperor about Skywalker?

Welllll…like I said, it’s Vader’s deepest, darkest secret. And I need to have something up my sleeve in case he ever finds me again.

Call it an insurance policy. Call it survival.

Although…I don’t think I want to be Vader’s attaché again. I don’t think I want to be anyone’s attaché. I’d like to be my own boss for a while, thanks—and as my only employee, I think I’m gonna be pretty awesome at it.

I kept thinking Vader truly saw me…just like I’ve wanted so many people in my life to see me. And I have to admit…it felt good. I kept thinking it would help me…access his power, somehow. Use it for myself. And then I’d never be cold or hungry or lonely ever again.

I’d never be weak.

But I don’t want to be powerful by association anymore. I just want to be powerful, period. And I think Chelli Lona Aphra is more than up to the task.

I finally see myself. And that’s all I need!

Cue dramatic music, annnnd…end recording!

A beat as the recording seems to end.

APHRA (narration):

Resume recording.

Wait, wait…no. That’s not the end.

I just…I can’t…

Oh, Sana.

Remember my angsty moment, sitting all alone in my cell in Sunspot Prison, wondering how I was going to find a way out?

I guess…in addition to this paving the way for my eventual master plan…well, there was something else I realized. This…desperation, this need to find a door…meant that I actually really, wholeheartedly wanted to live. That as glib as I was about dying by the saber, I actually didn’t want to die, period.

And I also realized that one of the reasons I didn’t want to die in that moment…was the way I left things with you.