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Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Epilogue
  64. Acknowledgements

‘But I just had that, er…bug,’ I say, guiltily. I’m sure I could have told Kim about The Gentleman, but I think I’ve left it too late. The lie is left to fester. ‘Harri has sent me a huge list of features, she’s said it’s our priority to maintain the traffic numbers. But next month…I just need to get through this, and then I’m sure things will slow down.’

‘At least you sound calmer now,’ says Kim, relieved. ‘Do you want me to stay on the line, or do you think you can go back to sleep?’

‘I think I’m OK now. Thank you. Thank you so much. Did I wake you?’

‘Nah, I was just on my way to the gym.’

‘You’re so committed.’

‘There’s a hell of an incentive.’

‘The swimmer?’

‘Yeah. Although I think we’re on the outs. There’s this new guy who dominates the battle ropes…’

Chapter Forty-Two

The Sense of an Ending

Imogen

I sleep fitfully, and within moments of waking, the panic is back. This is all such a mess.

Why didn’t I just go naked speed dating? What will Harri say when I tell her I just didn’t turn up? I’ve failed. I’ve fucked up. I’m getting fired. A few days ago, I was trying to counsel Louise through her imposter syndrome. Now I’m an actual imposter.

I cry in the shower. I cry while I’m trying to put mascara on. I cry too hard to see my shoelaces, and have to tie them using guesswork. I can’t catch my breath or stop myself. I think about staying at home and hiding, but I think the fear of being caught out skiving, on top of everything else, would finish me off.

There is no way I’m going to get away with this. I’m sure that before I’ve got to work, the publicist will have spoken to Harri, or Akila, and wonder why I wasn’t there. Although there is nothing that Harri could say to me that could make me feel worse. I hate myself for doing this. I lied. If I’d had this opportunity a year ago, or even a couple of months ago, I would have felt like a competition winner. I have been striving for a chance like this, for years of my working life. And I’ve thrown it all away, because I’m lazy and cowardly. I don’t deserve this job.