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Chapters (64)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Epilogue
  64. Acknowledgements

I walk twenty minutes in the opposite direction. I’m too angry to cry. Too confused. The air smells sharp, and slightly sweet. I’ve missed the stars. I’ve missed this clean, biting cold, the scent of woodsmoke, the whistles of the early birds predicting spring too soon.

But that’s all I’ve missed.

I don’t belong here. I never did.

It’s too late to go back to London. I walk up and down and up and down, until I’m too cold to feel my face.

By 10.45, I decide I can risk the wheezing gate. Dad is still up. ‘Good night?’ he asks, without turning from the TV. I can see a single shard of the shattered bowl still glittering on the carpet.

I wake up just before six, and do not shower. I leave a note. Work emergency, getting the first train. Thanks for a lovely weekend. Lots of love, Imogen. By the time the gate has alerted anyone to my absence, I’m running down the dark road.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Out-out

Harri

Kim puts the idea in her head. Harri is becoming increasingly fond of Kim—like his beloved superheroes, he has an id and an alter ego, and the latter is starting to overshadow the former. By day, he’s the quietest, shyest, most humble graphic designer a cost-conscious media company could ever hope to hire. By night—and sometimes by lunchtime, queuing for his sushi, or gossiping with Louise and Imogen, or singing along to Doja Cat when he thinks the office is empty—he’s a high energy, high beam force of nature. He has the body of a runway model and the soul of a puppy. Harri has wondered whether there has been a mix-up somewhere in the universe—on another planet, perhaps an adorable dachshund is chain smoking and demanding cases of cocaine and Diet Coke.

Kim has taken an early lunch, and returned from the Supreme store drop in high spirits, laden with red bags. (‘Hides the blood,’ he jokes. ‘It gets violent in there.’) ‘I’ve been thinking, we need a night out,’ he announces, executing a miniature jeté as he drops into his chair. ‘It’s time.’

Imogen is pragmatic. ‘Sure, I can do after work. Were you thinking the Jon Snow or the Coach and Horses?’

Kim pouts. ‘No, no, no. Out-out. A proper celebration. All of us.’ Harri watches Imogen look at Tabitha, and then look back at Kim. ‘Yes. All of us,’ he reiterates. Harri feels a brief stab of panic.