She looks at her friend. ‘At the moment, you feel as though you’ll never be happy again. The pain will never pass, completely. You will know moments of joy, moments of peace. Right now, you feel entirely buried by the weight of this. But I promise you shall find yourself again.’

Giles shakes his head. He drains his white wine, rests his head against the sticky table, and cries, and cries, and cries.

Harri is starting to realise she may have underestimated Mackenzie. She better not have overestimated herself.

Chapter Forty-One

Breathless

Imogen

The day after the interview, I’m all better from my ‘bug’ and heading back to work, restored by a very early night, and a very big pizza. Still, I’ve been avoiding my emails, scared of what I might find. A telling off from Harri, a telling off from Sam Strong, a photo of John Thompson masturbating into one of my abandoned trainers. On the journey to the office, I reach the point of realising that I have nothing to fear but fear itself—or rather, not looking seems slightly more anxiety inducing than looking, so I take a deep, dread filled breath and check my inbox.

At first, I assume the message is junk, and my spam filter is not working correctly.

FW: Naked speed dating

Think we need to cover this. Can you sign up? Hx

I stop suddenly on the steps, and five furious people pile up behind me. ‘Fucking tourist,’ mutters a man in a be kind T-shirt. He accidentally-on-purpose treads on my toes as he pushes past.

If I can come up with something else—anything at all—in the eight minutes before Conference starts, I might be able to get out of it. I squint at my phone notes, hoping that Past Me had some amazing idea that can be repurposed. Surprisingly sexy films? Tried it, Harri gave it to Louise and killed it after Louise refused to back down on her conviction that the sexiest film of all time is The Piano. What is Bacterial Vaginosis? Oh, yeah. Not aspirational enough, according to Harri.

My brain is working so furiously—and hopelessly—that I don’t really register the rest of the journey to the office until I’m in the meeting sitting on a wobbly chair, telling Harri that I saw her email and I’ve signed up. Akila is beaming. ‘We’ve got a meeting with Rimmel later, they’re big fans of yours.’

‘Mmmm,’ I say, staring at the grain of the fake wood. I know I should use this to my advantage—maybe next week I’ll feel brave enough to ask for a raise. Right now, if I look up, I know that Tabitha will be staring at me so furiously that I will turn, instantly and irreversibly, to stone.